Today's Halloween Countdown Weird Shit post looks at a 1966 American horror film written, directed and produced by Harold P. Warren, an insurance and fertilizer salesman from El Paso, Texas who also starred in the film. It is widely recognized as one of the worst films ever made.
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You presents...
Manos: The Hands of Fate!
Manos: The Hands of Fate!
Manos: The Hands of Fate!
Manos: The Hands of Fate!
While on vacation near El Paso, Texas, Michael, Margaret, their young daughter Debbie and their dog, Peppy, drive through the desert in search of a hotel called "Valley Lodge."
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
Margaret insists they are lost!
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
WAIT! Is something going to actually happen now?!?!
The family finally reach a house, old, scary, not at all a friendly place.
The sign out front says "NO pool! NO Cable! For human sacrifices, please inquire in the lobby."
They are greeted by a strange shambling man-creature named Torgo who takes care of the place "while The Master is away." Torgo has all of the cuddly warmth of an ant hill.
Michael's all, "Fuck it! Let's stay here!"
Peppy winds up dead. There's goes the smartest member of this cast.
Michael buries Peppy in the desert. Oddly, this is so far not the worst time Michael has ever had while on vacation.
Meanwhile, Torgo has news for Margaret: his Master wants her to become his bride. But Torgo will keep her safe from the Master in exchange for some nookie-nookie.
Margaret is grossed out by these options.
Michael, Margaret and Debbie find the Master and his wives, sleeping around a blazing fire. The wives are dressed in diaphanous nightgowns while the Master is in a black robe with two red hands on it.
Margaret and Debbie run back to the house to get their things and escape. But Michael is capturered by Torgo.
Look, as slow as Torgo shambles along, anyone caught by Torgo deserves to be caught.
The Master awakens and summons his wives, telling them that Michael will be sacrificed to Manos while Margaret and Debbie will become his new wives.
The wives are all "bitch, please" and get into a catfight where they tumble around in the dirt.
The Master returns and breaks up the fight, and decides to sacrifice Torgo and his first wife instead.
Michael escapes to join up with Margaret and Debbie as they escape into the desert. A rattlesnake appears in front of them and Michael shoots it!
Then the Master shows up as Michael fires several shots into The Master's face at point-blank range. Na da effect.
The film then cuts to another pair of travelers, two women starting their vacation.
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
They drive....
And they drive...
And they drive...
The End
Whew!
OK, did someone lose a bet or something?
Well, something like that.
Harold P. Warren was very active in the theater scene in El Paso, Texas, and once appeared as a walk-on for the television series Route 66 where he met screenwriter Stirling Silliphant. While chatting with Silliphant in a local coffee shop, Warren claimed making a horror film wouldn't be all that hared and bet Silliphant that he could make an entire film on his own.
Well, he bet he could make a movie. He didn't bet that it had to be good.
Warren pulled together $19,000 to finance his movie. Even in 1966 dollars, that's pretty much chump change to make a movie, about on par with $143,000 in today's money.
Warren hired a group of actors from a local theater as well as from a modeling agency. Because he was unable to pay the crew any wages, Warren promised them a share in the film's profits.
Working with rented equipment, Warren had to rush through filming before the deadline for returning the equipment.
Footage was shot with a 16 mm Bell & Howell camera which had to be wound by hand and thus could only take 32 seconds of footage at a time. This resulted in some strange edits and contributed to the overall disjointed feel of the movie.
All sound effects and dialogue were dubbed later in post-production, done by about 4 or 5 people.
Late in production, Warren named the film Manos: The Hands of Fate. The word "manos" is Spanish for "hands", meaning that the title literally translates as Hands: The Hands of Fate.
Warren's small crew mockingly referred to the film as Mangos: The Cans of Fruit behind his back. It was terribly clear to his crew that Warren did not know what the fuck he was doing.
The concept for Torgo was that he was a satyr. John Reynolds wore a metallic rigging under his trousers made out of wire coat hangers and foam which he unintentionally wore backward. Instead of looking like a satyr, he was just a weird dude with oversized knees who had difficulty walking.
Nothing in the film mentions that Torgo is a satyr.
For lots of problems during filming, Warren promised stuff would be fixed in the editing. But not a lot of time and effort was put into post-production efforts. The clapperboard is visible in one scene, for example.
The entire nine-minute opening sequence, which consisted of the main characters driving around looking for their hotel with minimal dialogue or effect on the plot was probably where the opening credits were going to go but Warren didn't have the budget to do that or just plain forgot.
I discovered this atrocity back in January 1993 in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Manos: The Hands of Fate was SO bad, the bots broke down sobbing and the Mads actually aplogized to Joel and the bots as Manos was so below the usual low standard of the bad movies the Mads tortured Joel with.
And I too, humble blogger that I am, likewise apologize and in our next Halloween Countdown Weird Shit post, I will endeavor to do better.
Or maybe not.
In our next Halloween Countdown Weird Shit post, we will meet... an evil deer.
And later today, a NEW Doctor Who post!
Torgo, take us out, dude!
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