Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Bad Children's Books

Hello and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! My name is Dave-El and everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday I write the blog.*

*And if you don't get that reference, click here to watch this Elvis Costello video then come back. I'll be here.

Well, the hour is getting late where I am. I can't help what time may be doing where you are; I presume its moving forward but I'm afraid you're just going to have to cope. But here it's getting late and sane people are getting ready for bed.

No, I'm not getting ready for bed. I said "sane" people; do try to keep up.

Chances are if you have young children, you've already put them to bed with a bed time story. Sometimes I do miss reading to my daughter. I used to mess around with the stories. For example, in "The Princess and the Pea", instead of a PEA under all those mattresses and quilts, I said it was PEE! And pee-yew did that stink! No wonder the princess couldn't sleep! My daughter thought this was the funniest thing. Which it's great to have an appreciative audience but when the object is to get the little darling to sleep, getting her to giggle every time I said "pee" isn't helping.

Still, I couldn't help myself. In "The Three Little Pigs", the Big Bad Wolf had trouble huffing and puffing problem due to being a heavy smoker. (See, an opportunity to entertain AND deliver a very important message that cigarettes are bad, m'kay?)

For "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", I expressed my indignation that Goldilocks was not, in fact, eaten by the bears as she truly deserved for her destructive rampage through the bears' home.

Picking out a good children's book to share with your child at bed time or whenever is very important. So the other day on Twitter, this topic was trending:

Once again, I present posts that were ignored individually on Twitter to be ignored collectively on my blog. BUT if you are universally recognized as a mature and responsible adult**, these are titles that you may wish to avoid inflicting upon your kids.

**By the way, a funny Doctor Who bit at the end of today's post.

Here we go!

  1. "A Series of Unfortunate Delays"
  2. "Peter Panhandler"
  3. "Winnie-the-Poop"
  4. "Charlotte's Web.........OF LIES!!!!"
  5. "The Deep Fried Cat in the Vat"
  6. "James and the Giant Gonad"
  7. "Charlie and the Chocolate Sweatshop" or...
  8. "Charlie and the Broccoli Factory"
  9. "Where the Onion Rings Are"
  10. "Are You There, God? It's Me...Well, You Should Know Who the Hell I Am! You're GOD!"

Actually a couple of Tweets were acknowledged. # 10 was actually retweeted. (I'm...choke!...so PROUD!)

There was one more title of a bad children's book that I Tweeted:

"Bi-Curious George"

Of course, I figured that one was fairly obvious and that others had already posted that gag. What I didn't know was...that book actually exists! Somewhere out there in the wide world we live in is a book called "Bi-Curious George". As one of my (six) followers on Twitter explained, yes, it is a parody but nonetheless, it exists! In this case, it was an idea that was too good to NOT be true.

This talk of children's books and bed time reading is making me sleepy. So I'm going to call it a night.

Thanks for dropping by and I'll see you tomorrow.***

***Seriously. I will SEE you! I'll be disguised as a topiary.

Good night and be good to one another. 

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