Saturday, October 12, 2013

Broken News for Friday, October 11, 2013 (ALL NEW!)


 
The gorilla's complaint? He doesn't get the Anthony Weiner jokes.
 

Hi, there! Dave-El here and this is...
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that's coming to a major theater near you starring Sandra Bullock & George Clooney.
 
 
Today is Friday and that mean's it's time for another installment of...bROkEN nEWs.

 
After last week's best of (a bad lot) post, we're back with a BRAND NEW edition. Yes, the jokes are still not funny but they are freshly made, cutting edge not funny.


Well, the jokes ain't gettin' any funnier so jump right in to bROkEN nEWs
 
 In 5...

4...

3...

2...
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#BrokenNews “GOP Rep: Shutdown Now About 'Pride'” And when it comes to short-sighted, boneheaded, self-destructive behavior, the GOP has a lot to be proud of.
 
 
#BrokenNews “Women Excluded From All Male Meeting At Mormon Conference” What a bunch of dicks! (Literally.)


#BrokenNews “Dem Rep: 'So We Sit Here Until They Figure Out They F*ck*n Lost'” So the Dems plan to sit for a very, very long time, huh?


 
#BrokenNews “ESPN Analyst Makes Sexist Remark” Another ‘Battle of the Boobs’: Those who have them vs. those who are.
 
 
#BrokenNews “Ted Cruz: Shutdown Battle Has 'Not Remotely' Hurt GOP's Image” That’s true! They already looked like assholes before the shutdown!


#BrokenNews “What Sexual Satisfaction Really Means To Women____________ ? *

*bROkEN nEWs apologizes for not having a humorous comment for this headline. This has never happened before. Perhaps I’m just tired. Is it OK if we cuddle?


#BrokenNews “U.S. 'Leaning Toward' Cutting Off Much Aid To Egypt” We’re also ‘thinking about’ not letting Egypt borrow any more gardening tools.
 
#BrokenNewsFollowUp “U.S. Suspending Hundreds Of Millions In Egypt Aid” Citing concerns about the current political climate in Egypt. Also: we’re broke.


Does anyone want to take a break for a new installment of bROkEN nEWs IN pICtUREs?

Let's do it anyway!



OK, back to the headlines!!

Hey, another joke at the expense of Dick Cheney, Bastard Emeritus!

#BrokenNews “'Tasteless' Waterboarding Jokes Told At Dick Cheney Roast” Well, the tasteful waterboarding jokes just aren’t as funny.


#BrokenNews “Kenny Rogers Addresses Dolly Parton Affair Rumors” Kenny had an affair with Dolly’s breasts which Dolly herself was not aware of.*
 
*Dept. of Punch-line Explanations
1970’s Division

You see, Dolly Parton’s boobs are really big. So big, in fact, that Dolly herself would not be aware of everything taking place on and around them. There’s no telling how long Kenny may have been holdin’ em and foldin’ em down there. Back in the 1970's, it was OK to make jokes about Dolly Parton's boobs. Hell, some of the best one came from Dolly herself. Still, we regret any confusion that may have been caused by our 1970's pop culture reference.

Back to the headlines!

#BrokenNews “Ted Nugent Rants On 'Out Of Control' Government” Nation reacts with barely contained indifference to Out of Control Ted Nugent.

#BrokenNews “Weiner Says Congress Is Making 'A Mistake'
Hey kids! Do you what time it is?





Part of your nutritious breakfast!

 


How screwed up is Congress when Anthony Weiner says you’re screwed up?

I’d listen to the man; ‘making mistakes’ is Weiner’s area of expertise.

Weiner’s recommends Congressmen take pictures of their penises and send them to Congresswomen. Dude, is that your answer for EVERYTHING?      

Weiner thinks Congress should focus on ending the government shutdown; speaking of ‘focus’, Weiner apologizes that the last picture of his penis was a bit fuzzy.

Weiner thinks the government shutdown is a real dick move.

I always assumed the sentence ‘Anthony Weiner is right’ would be about which direction his penis hangs.

If Congress would just get down to business, this shutdown crisis could be solved real quick. When Anthony Weiner gets ‘down to business’, he’s usually done in 30 seconds.

BOO-YAH! This has been....


With tasty fiber your colon will thank you for!


Thank you, Anthony Weiner.



In these trying times of uncertainty, you are the gift that keeps on giving.



#BrokenNews “America to Become the Next Poland?” But America hasn’t mastered the technology of submarine screen doors.


#BrokenNews “Kanye Goes On Kimmel To Bury The Hatchet” In Kimmel’s skull.




#BrokenNews “Suzanne Somers Gets Candid About Sex Life” I can’t help but be disappointed if a leotard and a Thighmaster are not involved.




A still from Suzy Does Thighmaster II: The Thighs Squeeze Back
 


#BrokenNews “Kris Jenner, Bruce Jenner Split After 22 Years Of Marriage” Bruce wants to preserve his dignity about 21 ½ years too late.


OK, people! That's a wrap for bROkEN nEWs this week! 


Thank you for coming by!


Tomorrow: Doctor Who Saturday and Part 11 of The Story That Wouldn't Die The Nemesis Who Stole Time!


Good night! Be good to one another!


Take us out, Suzanne Somers!

Hey Kids! Comics!

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