Broken News...on a Break

Greetings and Salutations!


Dave-El here and welcome to

I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You!

On Fridays I post my weekly round up reportedly humorous reflections on the week's news headlines called bROkEN nEWs. However due to limited time, I was not able to produce an all new installment of this weekly feature.

Hey, stop cheering and applauding!

Anyway, tonight I'm presenting a selection of previous headlines posted on this blog in with a few new pictures tossed in to give these re-cycled jokes a fresh coat of paint.
 
So let's look at those long ago, carefree days of April and May 2013.  
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“POLL: Majority Support Legal Weed” Poll was taken at 1 AM at a Taco Bell near a local college. 

 

“Governor Signs Nation's Toughest Gun-Control Bill Into Law” Meanwhile, NRA endorses “Buy One Get Two Free” plan. 

 “Facebook Makes Huge Announcement” You know how you jack off to FB pics of your hot neighbor? Yeah, we can totally see you.

 “Obama Cutting His Own Pay” And when he takes Air Force One, he’ll fly coach.

 

"With CEO gone, what JCPenney must do now" JCP ends up huddling for warmth with Sears near a garbage can fire at the mall Cinnabon

 

"Tiger Drops F-Bomb At Masters” Fahrvergnügen?

“13 Things You Need To Know About Coachella” #1: Where are the bathrooms? #2 thru #13: Where’s the best weed?

"7 Mistakes You're Making With Bacon" There's only two I can think of: 1) not eating it 2) eating it with the wrong orifice.



No, not THAT Bacon!

 

"Nicki Stuns 'Idol' Audience With Mariah Remark" Meanwhile Keith Urban stuns no one by wishing he wasn't there.

 

"Kim Kardashian's Bump Plays Peekaboo" Unborn child embarrassed to be seen with a Kardashian.



“Senator: Republicans Didn't Want To 'Be Seen Helping' Obama”

So they snuck by the Obama’s office at night with a pie. 
 

"Of course, you'll have the decency not to mention this to anyone in the Tea Party."





 

 “North Korea Sentences American To 15 Years Hard Labor” Then they sentenced a Mexican to do that hard labor for less money

“Bankers Struggle To Live On $1+ Million Pay” For example, they have to drink champagne out of glasses instead of the gold plated skulls of their enemies.



Also useful for sipping wine, vodka, gin, rum and,
for those really special occasions, human blood.

 

 “Reese Witherspoon Freaks

Out In Arrest Video” After officer told her he

loved her in “Bridget Jones’ Diary”

“Shocking Paper On Hispanic IQ Has Think Tank On Defensive” Really, no offense was intended by this. Why some of their best friend’s gardeners & housekeepers are Hispanic

“Cicadas To Emerge In Massive Swarms After 17 Years Underground” They can’t wait to catch up on the latest Spice Girl news!




The #1 girl music group for long time hibernating insects!

Me, this is the perfect time to practice my grandmother’s recipe for Cicada Casserole Surprise! (The surprise is the cicadas aren’t quite dead yet.)

 “The Outrageous 'Honey Boo Boo' Wedding Menu” I anticipate there will be frequent use of gravy and many various Crisco-centric dishes. 

“Man Swallowed By Angry Hippo Barely Escapes With His Life” Good thing the hippo wasn’t hungry,hungry.

Still, that man shouldn’t have been hanging around that hippo while dressed as a giant marble.

“GOP Rep Blames Reagan For Helping Obama Get Elected” Reagan helped get a young Barack Obama a part in Hellcats of the Navy II: Electric Boogaloo.

“Why You Should Have Sex With A Friend” All right I guess but I can’t help thinking poker nights with the guys could get to be pretty awkward!

“Debunked Economists Face Even More Embarassment” They forgot to wear pants again. (The Spongebob boxers didn’t help.)

 

 



Any man who wears these better be
VERY confident in his manhood!



“Did Starbucks Use Toilet Water To Brew Coffee?” Well, my latte did taste a lot better yesterday.

“Al Qaeda magazine urges more attacks” Also: 7 Quick ‘n’ Easy Hummus Recipes & How to Put the Spark Back in Your Intifada

That's it for this edition of bROkEN nEWs: The Classic Years!

Come back tomorrow for Doctor Who Saturday and Part 10 of The Nemesis Who Stole Time.