Broken News for Friday, October 18th, 2013

 

 

 

 

 Hello! I'm Dave-El and this is I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You; this blog may do nothing of any consequence but it won't cost you $24 billion either!

 

 

It's Friday night on the blog which means it's time for bROkEN nEWs

 

 

The resolution of the US Government Shutdown caused quite a few jokes to be cut. That's a shame because I'm sure I will never ever get a chance to use Government Shutdown jokes ever again!*

 

*Fully expect to use leftover Government Shutdown jokes by January.

 

 

So let's jump into the headlines!

 

 bROkEN nEWs begins in...

 

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#BrokenNews “GOP POLL NIGHTMARE: 74 Percent Disapprove” The other 26% think the GOP is doing just fine, also think clouds are made of marshmallows. 

 

#BrokenNews “Supreme Court To Review Greenhouse Gases Regulations” Court also reviewing the “he who smelt dealt it” rule, as a favor to Clarence Thomas 

 

#BrokenNews “Cuccinelli: 'It's Amazing' God Hasn't Punished America For Abortion” If God isn’t punishing America, then what the hell explains Khardashians?

 

#BrokenNews “Scientists Baffled By Alarming Moose Die-Off” I suspect Boris and Natasha.



"After we take out squirrel, we have assignment from Tea Party to destroy Obamacare!"



 

#BrokenNews “GOP Congressman Not Sure If He's Getting Paid During Shutdown”  He needs to sort this out quick: rent on his mistress’s townhouse doesn’t come cheap, you know!

 

#BrokenNews “White House: 'Partisan Attempt To Appease Tea Party'” The Tea Party demands….a SHRUBBERY!!!



The Knights Who Say "NO"



 

#BrokenNews “Stenographer Pulled Off House Floor After Ranting About God, Freemasons” Tea Party thinks, “We’ve found our next Sarah Palin!”

 

#BrokenNews “Ted Cruz Doesn't Rule Out Another Shutdown” Ted’s all giddy, “Weeee! I wanna do it AGAIN!”

 

Hey, kids! It's time for....

 

bROkEN nEWs iN pICtUREs!

 

 

All righty then! Back to the headlines....

 

#BrokenNews “A Fox Is Now Living At The White House “ Obama hopes he can now answer, “What does the fox say?”

 

#BrokenNews “A-Rod Hired Hookers '2 At A Time'” Apparently it was a BOGO deal.

 

#BrokenNews “Lena Dunham Has An Important Message About Nipples” Now that’s just gratuitous titillation.

 

Seriously, how can we STOP Lena Dunham from doing nude scenes?

 

#BrokenNews “Macaulay Culkin Makes Rare Public Appearance” He’s not afraid to go outside now that the ‘crazy old person’ in his life is not so scary anymore.

 

 

#BrokenNews “Dallas Cowboys still America's favorite team: poll” Shh! It’s all part of a big prank we’re playing on Tony Romo.

 

 

#BrokenNews “Obama challenges Republicans: If you want change, 'win an election'” Then he tells Michelle he damn well doesn’t want brussel sprouts for dinner. Yeah, that didn’t go over well, either.

#BrokenNews “Up to $24B for nothing: Counting cost of the crisis” John Boehner thought it would cost less but his “Tea Party Government Shutdown 50% Off” coupon had expired.

 

#BrokenNews “’Glee’ to end after season 6” Ending it’s acclaimed 1 season run. 

 

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Annnnnnnnd.....

 

That's that for bROkEN nEWs this week!

 

Tomorrow: Doctor Who Saturday (which may be on Sunday again, we'll have to see).

Until then, be good to one another.

 

Take us out, Kronk!

 



On behalf of Dave-El Inc. and I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Entertainment, I must apologize once again that bROkEN nEWs made absolutely no damn sense!