Monday, October 28, 2013

How To Be MORE Attractive

Hi there! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the blog that thinks you look really pretty in candlelight.

Today, I'm going to pontificate on what I find attractive in women.

I think the generally accepted wisdom is that men like to see women naked or, if not naked, as naked as you can get and not be arrested for public nudity. Scantily clad is just fine because there's not much in the way to getting to naked.

Comedian Ron White once said, "Once you've seen one woman wanna see all of 'em naked."

Maybe I'm weird but....OK, no "maybe", I AM weird but I gotta say, naked (or any socially acceptable or tolerated near naked state) is not really a thing for me and here's why.

Anybody can be naked.

Granted, not everybody should be naked. In fact, there's a very narrow window of opportunity for even a select few who are blessed by God and/or genetics to look good naked, after which you're not doing either of us any favors. For most of us (and I sure as hell include myself in this), being seen naked is something that never should happen, ever. Even after we're dead. If I was naked in a morgue, I would just die of embarrassment.

But while very, very, very few people look good being naked, in the end, whether you're toned or flabby, young or old, anybody can be naked. It takes no skill, no imagination to be naked. Take your clothes off and boom, you're naked.

But being well dressed? Now THAT takes talent or panache or style. Some people have an inherent sense of it but others can learn. And unless you're an emaciated stick figure or a stunt double for Jabba the Hut, there are things within out power to make us look good.

But is being well dressed a dying art? In the corporate world where casual dress has become the norm, people seem more content to press the boundaries of what is acceptably casual than to explore what looks good for them. That's not to say we need to start dressing up every day in suits and ties or dresses and high heels. If you're a guy who favors polo shirts, that's fine; but wear polo shirts that look good for you. Instead, the attitude of too many people is "What the hell, just throw something on."

Me, I like a well dressed woman. Elegant, refined but not overstated. Three of my favorite celebrities that I find attractive are Zooey Deschanel, Anne Hathaway and Tina Fey and each for different reasons. Zooey's quirky and a free spirit. Anne has a beauty that is at once regal and yet warm. And Tina has a quick wit and sharp mind. And all three know how to rock a cocktail dress like nobody's business. Ultimately, they are who they are and they look good doing it.*

*And if anyone is picking up on something else these women have in have in common in these photos, well that might be the topic for another day.

Zooey Deschanel, Anne Hathaway and Tina Fey

OK, let's move on to the thing that prompted this discussion.

As is my want, I'll gather Tweets from Twitter account (which can be found here) on a certain topic and bring them over to the blog where I re-heat them, add a little cheese and voila! Blog post! 

Today's gathering of Tweets was on the subject of You're More Attractive If. So if I'm even remotely interested in you, here are things to make yourself even MORE attractive in my eyes.

you let me pay for time.

you say your major turn on is a middle aged white guy with low self-esteem because I...could pretend to be that guy.
you are sweet, loving and kind...or willing to engage in wild monkey sex, either one is good.
you will accept my Living Social 40% off coupon.
you think that your sexual satisfaction is not really that important because I'm kind of on a tight schedule here.
you do that little hair flip. Yeah, like that. Yeah, there it is again. And again. Are you having a seizure?
you stop making those hacking sounds. You're pointing at your throat. Chair? You need chair? Sorry I don't understand
you wear high heel pumps instead of open toed shoes so I can't see that deformed 6th toe that looks like Ed Asner.
you do agree that my name is Sven Bigglehorn & I'm on a secret mission for Sweden.
at least one of us is drinking. On second thought, we BOTH should be drinking.

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