Monday, September 28, 2015

The Octopus Who Ate Greensboro






HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

OK, sorry about the jump scare of showing a giant cephalapod attacking a small city in the southern United States. Admittedly, it's not something that happens everyday. 

But an octopus did come to Greensboro this weekend and here's a better, more accurate look at our city's new aquatic denizen. 



HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Yeah, an octopus can be quite the frightening sight but I did give you some warning, you know. 

So this is the octopus who came to Greensboro, specifically to the Greensboro Science Center which is a center...
of SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE!

Even more specifically, the octopus is the resident of the newly constructed wing of the center called the Sciquarium which is an aquarium...
of SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE!

An octopus coming to live in my home town might be cause enough to write about it. God knows I need little cause to write about anything. But in this case, I have a more visceral connection to this story. The El family ventured forth from our Fortress of Ineptitude to see this octopus who had been delivered unto us and to meet the guys who built the thing it was delivered into. 



HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

Now hold on! Either you need some medication or you're just being rude. In the photo above are the guys from the TV show Tanked. They build tanks for fish. They build fish tanks. Fish tanks are what they build. 

So why were they in Greensboro? Nothing much, just to grab some pulled pork barbeque, play some golf, maybe take in a show at the Triad Stage...

They were here to BUILD a FISH TANK! It's what they do. 

In this case, they built a tank for an octopus.  

So we (meaning myself, my wife and daughter along with her friend) were there this past Saturday to see this creature and its wondrous habitat foretold in ancient prophecy. 

So we got to meet the guys from Tanked. (Real nice guys. Wish I could tell you their names.) 

We got to see the tanks the guys from Tanked built. 

We did not, however, get to see the octopus. 

Yes, the octopus was there. This octopus right here. 



HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

You know, that's really annoying. 

Anyway, I did not see that octopus. 

As I desperately plastered myself against the glass whining, "But I can't see it!" (I said the same thing the first time I saw my wife's sonogram when she was pregnant with Miranda), here's the story as told to me by a random woman who was apparently amused by my suffering (hey, blog title tie in!).  

It seems the octopus was afraid to fly. 

Yeah, I think that requires some further elucidation. 

So Friday night was the night of the big gala presentation for the Sciquarium and its guest of honor exhibit, the great octopus. The guys from Tanked put together a pretty nice home for Greensboro's new aquatic resident of the octopoid persuasion. But the octopus wasn't here yet. It seems the octopus had not yet been delivered from Tennessee

You know, when I want to order an octopus, my first thought is, "Hmm! Who in Tennessee should I call?" No, I don't know why an octopus was in Tennessee although it may have been due to a failed attempt to start a country music career in Nashville. For whatever reason, the octopus was still in Tennessee. 

Seems it didn't want to get on the plane. 

OK, I'm kind of making that up. Sort of. Actually, the octopus did not want to get out of the thing it was in in order to get into other thing it was supposed to get in to in order to be flown out of Tennessee to North Carolina. Eventually, someone in Tennessee figured something out ("Hey y'all! I know how to get this here octopus into that oversized Mason jar.") and finally the octopus made it to Greensboro. Where apparently it wasn't happy to be moved from its travel jar into its new home at the Sciquarium. But damn it, that octopus was going in because Friday was the night of the big gala with all sorts of moneyed people standing around with glasses of champagne waiting to see a freakin' octopus appear in a big aquarium...
of SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! 
...which they paid good money for! 

So apparently this picture...




HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT---

Oh shut up. 

So apparently this picture was taken while the octopus was angry. It's tentacles flailing, suckers pressed against the glass, the octopus pledged that the fires of its hate would burn like the fires of hell and he would have vengeance against all of humanity until all lay dead before him! 

Sadly no one in attendance at the gala speaks octopus and are all unaware of the doom that awaits them one day. 

The next day, the octopus was resting, biding his time, waiting for the moment to strike, waiting...for the moment....of his REVENGE!  

Dammit, all I got to see was part of a tentacle. 

Well, it was still a fun day at the Greensboro Science Center where we got to see a lot of other neat things such as these penguins. 


HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?

(Sigh!) 

OK, we're done here. 

Be good to one another. And I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.

Dave-El 


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