Thursday, January 21, 2016

Blog Post # 1000!

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog that I'm sure Sarah Palin would endorse if she only understood how this internet thing works, you betcha! I'm Dave-El and you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you tonight. Today is a special occasion in the life of this blog as this is the 1,000th post I've made to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You or ISGMSAY which is pronounced with a glottal diphthong. And if you have a glottal diphthong, keep it to yourself, you pervert.

It's amazing how many things from my youth
still bug the hell out of me. One of those things
was the incredible set up and totally abysmal follow up
of the Stargrave saga in Legion of Super Heroes.
I'm a grown married man with a daughter.
You would think I would let go of that.
Yeah, you would think.! 1,000 times I've come to this blog to share with the world my thoughts, my feelings, my deeply held beliefs in an effort to make people laugh and think and 1,000 times I've apparently decided to post something else. 

So what is so special about the number 1,000? Let's take a look at that but first....


One of the regular bits I used to do to
entertain my readers waste time was
to "monkey" with word balloons on
the covers of DC's classic 1950's 

sci-fi series, Strange Adventures. 
How many of these re-worked covers 
involved gorillas and bananas? 
You might say too many. 
I say not quite enough.  

In case you're wondering, 1000 or one thousand is the natural number following 999 and preceding 1001. In most English-speaking countries, it is conventionally written with a comma separating the thousands unit, 1,000. But you know commas are free, right? Look even smarter and use more of them. Write it this way: 1,00,0. Now that's some outside the box thinking right there.  

A millennium is 1,000 years. The year 1,000 was the last year of the 1st millennium. So all those people who thought the year 2,000 was the start of a new millennium were idiots and we would tell them that except they're still locked in their Y2K bunkers.  

A grand is a slang term for one thousand units of a given currency such as dollars. So a grand piano is a $1,000 piano and a grand jury has a minimum bribe offer level of $1,000. 


A picture is worth a thousand words. But what if it's a picture of a thousand words? What would that picture be worth?

According to an ancient Japanese legend, anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by a crane. But what kind of wishes can a crane grant? I think they would mostly involve fish.

Our gripping review of the number 1,000 will continue after this special anniversary message from one of our sponsors.


Hey there! Dwayne LaFontaine here from Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, a proud sponsor of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! Congratulations to Dave-El on his 1,000th post to this blog thing and to celebrate, we've got 1,000 plain white unmarked vans... thanks to that idiot son-in-law of mine... that are priced to move! There are at least 1,000 illegal, immoral and ill-considered things you need to do and we have a van for everyone of them!

So come on down to Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium so we can get you in a van and then get you off our lot because we really don't want to be part of whatever stupid or lawless or evil thing you're gonna do!

But whatever it is you're gonna do, you're gonna need a van! 


And we're back with our exciting look at the number 1,000!

  • There's a city in California called Thousand Oaks but I wonder if anyone has counted them lately. Maybe somebody snuck in and cut some down. Or even more insidiously, planted some extra oaks just to screw with their numbers. Are the people of Thousand Oaks, CA lying to us? Perhaps they are victims of their own self-deception. How can we believe them if nobody's keeping track of the trees? Seriously, is no one else bothered by this? IS ANYONE COUNTING THE TREES?!?!
  • A Thousand Miles was a 2002 song by Vanessa Carlton. You can find this song on Vanessa's album, A Thousand Miles: The Greatest Hits of Vanessa Carlton featuring such hits as A Thousand Miles and 11 more songs which are also A Thousand Miles.  


Over the course of these 1,000 posts,
some have been given over to
some strange series like this one:
It Came Thru Bruce Wayne's Window.
Every week for 10 weeks, I sent a variety
of things (other than a bat) through the
window of Wayne Manor to screw with
Bruce's destiny as a crimefighter.
And speaking of Batman...

Here is a drawing I did of the Caped Crusader.
Thanks to the abundant use of shadows and a flowing cape,
I don't have to worry about such mundane things
like hands or feet or a human face.  

Hey, what was happening in the year 1,000? Well, it is  believed that in or around this year, Norse explorer Leif Ericson became the first European to land in the Americas, at L'Anse aux Meadows, an early pretentious French restaurant with a 4 hour wait for a table and overpriced foods based on snails.  This was probably in modern-day Newfoundland; pretentious French restaurants don't advertise their actual address in an effort to keep out the riff-raff. Yes, that means you.

Nearly 500 years later, Christopher Columbus would get all the PR for "discovering America" which is a pretty big dick move on Chris's part since he had no idea where he was. Ericson wasn't that big of a dick about landing on the North American continent but then again he wasn't too impressed either. "This new land doesn't have the beautiful fjords of my home, dontcha know."

Here are some people who were born in the year 1,000.
  • Adalbert, Duke of Lorraine who later invented the Quiche Lorraine. Really.
  • Qawam al-Daula, ruler of Kerman and lead singer of Kerman's Kermits.
  • Yi Yuanji, Chinese painter famous for his realistic animal paintings. Which he accomplished by actually painting the animals themselves. One weird dude, that Yi Yuanji.
  • Constantine IX Monomachos, a Byzantine emperor and possibly also a Mexican wrestler. 
And here is the In Memorium for those we lost in 1,000.
  • Olaf I of Norway who was killed at the Battle of Svold when he fell off of a fjord. Fjord accidents are a leading cause of injury and death in Norway.
  • Abu-Mahmud al-Khujandi, Persian astronomer and mathematician 
  • Abu Sahl al-Quhi (Kuhi), Persian astronomer and mathematician. Apparently, being a Persian astronomer and mathematician was an extremely dangerous occupation
  • Ahmad ibn Fadlan, Arab writer and traveler who over a thousand years later is still stuck in line waiting to get through the TSA security check.
  • Al-Muqaddasi, Arab geographer
  • Ælfthryth, second or third wife (who can really keep count of these minor details?) of Edgar of England
  • Garcia IV of Pamplona who was just a derivative rehash of Garcia I through III. 
  • David III of Tao who was murdered by his nobles which means it was a high class affair. Who wants to be murdered by poor people?
  • Huyan Zan, Chinese general eating Chinese chicken and then his brain started ticking...
  • Hrosvit, Saxon nun who was mad at the other nuns who kept pronouncing her name as "Horse Shit".  

We'll have more of our awesome review of the number 1,000 but first, another special message from one of our blog sponsors on the occasion of this 1,000th post.


Hello, readers! American Glory is proud to sponsor I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! Way to go, Dave-El, on your 1,000th blog post! And we want to take this occasion to announce a new insurance policy from American Glory.

Have you ever gone into a room and forgot why you went in there? Do you have moments where you go blank on the name of the guy who hosts Family Feud even though he's on TV 15 times a day? Have you ever asked what's the phone number for 1-800-FLOWERS? These are called "brain farts" and they can be quite embarrassing.

But you don't have to worry about them anymore thanks to American Glory's Brain Fart  Liability Insurance Policy! For as little as $5.00 a month, we can insure you against not remembering Steve Harvey is the host of Family Feud.

We're American Glory! Whatever you need insurance for, we've got you covered.  


Thank you, American Glory! Now back to our thrill-a-minute look at the number 1,000! 

But first...


Once in a while, my cousin Kal-El will let me take
the super suit out for a spin.  

    The Thousand Islands constitute an archipelago of 1,864 islands that straddles the Canada-U.S. border in the Saint Lawrence River as it emerges from the northeast corner of Lake Ontario.  The Canadian islands are in the province of Ontario if that's all right with you, the U.S. islands in the state of New York if it's all the same to youse. 

    Oooh! Pretty!

    And in case you were wondering, yes, Thousand Island dressing comes from here. Residents of these islands tap the trees to produce a fresh supply of naturally produced Thousand Island dressing each spring.


    A pic of me at Duke University
    in the winter of 2013. The brain

    specialists tell me my brain
    will have to come out! 

    And that is that for this 1000th post here at I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You or ISGMSAY which is oddly enough also the name of a particularly breathtaking fjord in Norway. 

    This special 1,000th post has been brought to you by Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium and American Glory and is a production of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You Productions, a division of Dave-El Inc. No part of this post can be reproduced without the express written consent of Constantine IX Monomachos.  

    Thanks for popping by today and to my long time readers, seek immediate medical attention. Until next time, remember to be good to one another.  

    Making my way down town
    Walking fast
    Faces pass
    And I'm home bound

    Staring blankly ahead
    Just making my way
    Making a way
    Through the crowd

    And I need you
    And I miss you
    And now I wonder
    If I could fall
    Into the sky
    Do you think time
    Would pass me by
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
    If I could just see you, tonight

    It's always times like these
    When I think of you
    And I wonder If you ever think of me

    'Cause everything's so wrong
    And I don't belong
    Living in
    Your precious memory

    'Cause I need you
    And I miss you and now I wonder
    If I could fall
    Into the sky
    Do you think time
    Would pass me by, oh
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
    If I could just see you tonight

    And I, I don't want to let you know I,
    I drown in your memory I,
    I don't want to let this go
    I,I don't.

    Making my way down town walking fast
    Faces pass
    And I'm home bound

    Staring blankly ahead
    Making my way
    Making a way
    Through the crowd

    And I still need you
    And I still miss you
    And now I wonder
    If I could fall into the sky
    Do you think time, would pass us by
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
    If I could just see you, now

    If I could fall into the sky
    Do you think time would pass me by
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
    If I could just see you
    If I could just hold you, tonight.

    Songwriter: VANESSA CARLTON
    © Universal Music Publishing Group
    For non-commercial use only.
    Data From: LyricFind

    Action Comics#1000

    Shhhhhh! I'm reading Superman in Action Comics#1000!   And it.... is.... AWESOME!!!