Thursday, January 7, 2016

"That Hateful Cat!"


A couple of months ago, my mom was given a cat. The cat was a white and dark grey tabby named Oreo because apparently somebody has a strange idea of what an Oreo cookie looks like. I thought a better name for the cat would’ve been Bonkers because this cat is crazy. Apparently the cat was hit by a car and left for dead. Oreo was eventually nursed back to health. Physically, Oreo is in excellent condition except his head tilts at a slightly odd angle. He may have some brain damage but he’s a cat so who can tell. He’s a grown cat but his behavior is more like a kitten. Kittens behaving like kittens are cute. Cats behaving like kittens are destructive.
 
I dubbed the cat Oreo J Bonkers and it seems to have caught on. Occasionally, my mom address Oreo as Mr. Bonkers.  
My mom has an love-hate relationship with the cat. On one hand, she refer to Oreo as “that hateful cat”. To my mom, apparently Oreo’s bouts of hyperactive rampage are less a function of a boisterous pet and more of a deliberate and malicious intent to wreck her house. Oreo has issues with anything on a shelf or table top. Apparently, the cat has a thing for clear surfaces. Still, it gives my mom something to complain about and when my mom has something to complain about, she’s happy.

On the other hand, she dotes on the cat. She loves having the cat close, laying curled up on her lap.  My mom refers to herself as Oreo’s mommy. As such, I have adopted Oreo J Bonkers as my little brother.  

During a recent visit to my mom’s house, my daughter Miranda and I gave Oreo a bath. Because he is a cat, Oreo felt his constant tongue licking of his fur was sufficient bathing and no more was needed, especially not involving soap and water. To his credit, Oreo was not particularly violent but he made it clear he did not like being in a tub and he certainly did not like being in a tub with water in it. Mostly this dislike was conveyed with a plaintive howl that only a cat can do. Imagine Chewbacca as a soprano.

As my mom’s living arrangements change, I’m not sure exactly what’s going to become of my little cat brother. He can’t come to live in the Fortress of Ineptitude as both Miranda and my wife have allergies although my daughter I think would be prepared to cope to have her cat uncle around. 

So here’s to you, Oreo J Bonkers, for adding life to my mother’s life. Where ever you end up next, just remember these two things:
  1. You are loved.
  2. Stay off the damn shelves!
Dave-El
I’m Si Glad My Suffering Amuses You





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