Saturday, January 9, 2016

Burning Down the Straw Man


Hi there. After yesterday's post on gun control and Obama not being allowed to cry over dead children, I had hoped I could resort to something lighter, funny even, certainly stupid. I am overdue for a post from Nutcase Nathan's. 

But no.

Do I need to rename this blog from I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You to I'm Still Dealing With the Same Shit? I mean, I wanted to move on for at least a day or two from gun control and gun violence but no, I had to read something that just...I can't even...I just can't...

(Deep breath, Dave-El. Also a shot of bourbon would be nice.)  

All right....

So President Obama hit the road for a town hall meeting to address the issue of guns and the need to do something about the constant flood of gun related deaths in this country.  In attendance were gun rights supporters who had their chance to speak to the President. Chief among them was Taya Kyle, widow of U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle (the dude the movie American Sniper was about).  

Mrs. Kyle questioned the ability of a piece of legislation or an executive order to deter those with malicious intent. "We want to think that we can make a law and people will follow it," Kyle said. "I don't know that any [attackers] would've been stopped by a background check. We cannot outlaw murder."

First of all, I did not know murder was not against the law. Did you? Why, we can kill people with impunity because murder cannot be outlawed. 

Fuck this! Hey, Taya Kyle, murder is outlawed! If I go and kill someone, I will be arrested for the crime (I'm not a very good hider). I can be convicted and sent to Ass Pounders Correctional Facility because there are laws on the books that say I can't commit murder! Really! I've checked!

Why? Er, no reason. Moving on... 

You have a really shit for brains concept on how laws work. There is no law that prevents any crime. A law is designed to provide guidelines on what is and is not acceptable in a civilized society and what are the consequences of not staying within those guidelines. Yes there are people who might want to commit a crime...steal something, kill someone...and they might be daunted by the thought of going to Ass Pounders Correctional Facility. But if you really want to rob or kill (or both, you multitasking dickens), no law will stop you from doing that. 

Taya Kyle said that requiring a background check wouldn't stop those with plans to commit violence. Well, as stupid as Taya Kyle is (and really, this course of her so-called logic does not suggest otherwise), she is not alone.  

Also in attendance at the town hall was Arizona Sheriff Paul Babeu who asked the president what purpose new laws would have if those already in place don't always prevent weapons from getting into the wrong hands. Chris Jacob, vice president of the American Firearms Retailers Association, shared those sentiments. 

The views of these Three Stooges of the Gunpocalypse are, sadly, not unique but rather are frequently deployed by gun advocates. A law can't stop someone from shooting you so laws are not the answer.  

Apparently the definition of successful gun control for the gun lobby is a 100% elimination of all gun related murders.  And that's bullshit! It's a straw man argument that easily knocked down by anyone with a modicum of intelligence but it keeps popping up anyway.  

So let's say Taya Kyle goes home and relaxes on the sofa. She reaches for the remote to turn on the TV (Fox News, natch!) to see if she made the news. Except...the TV won't turn on. What the hell? The batteries are dead! Well, what's the point of having a remote if the remote won't turn on the TV each and every time? And so Taya Kyle spends the rest of her life getting up and down to change the channel on the TV. Which, to be fair, is a great way to tone up those calf muscles. 

But you might say, "Dave-El, no one is going to give up on using a TV remote because it didn't work once. That's fucking stupid!" And I would reply, "You're fucking right it's fucking stupid!" But that's following the logic of this "laws don't stop gun murders so why bother" mentality. 

No, better control may not have stopped the slaughter in Sandy Hook or any other of the many, many places of horrific violence that we have been forced to endure over the last decade. There are no guarantees in life. That's a cliche but damn it, it's true. All we can do is try to keep the odds in our favor as best we can. And I think if we got our heads out of our collective asses when it comes to this country's very unhealthy obsession with guns, I firmly believe there would be at least a few more people alive today. And every life we save, particularly the lives of our children, makes taking action to make us safer worthwhile.  

Back the town hall, Obama was having nothing to do with this inane and moronic position put forth by Kyle, Babeu and Jacob. Rather, he said, "It's important not to suggest that if we can't solve every crime, we shouldn't try to solve any crimes." And those on the other side of this debate, they may deny that's what they're saying but that is exactly what they're saying. It's a specious argument that no sane person would put forth regarding. But we're not dealing with sane people, are we? I mean, get a load of this damn nonsense that Taya Kyle offered for our consideration. She noted that some men rape women so should all men be castrated? She equates that scenario with gun control. Some people with guns kill other people so let's take away all the guns. 

God, I was getting ready to wrap up this post and now I'm all pissed off again. Where to start? Where to start? 

OK, if I want a gun, I have to get a gun. I was born with a penis. It's my buddy, my pal although he's led me to some places I regret going. But my penis came along for the ride the day I was born so I'm kind of stuck with him. Now if I start shitting guns or pulling them out of my ear, well, that might be different. But no, that's not where guns come from.  

My penis is amazing but I can only screw one woman at a time with it. Sorry, ladies, you will have to wait your turn. And as I get older, that wait might be a bit longer than it was in my youth. But guns, man, you can shoot lots of people real quick one after the other. 

There are things to make firing a gun even faster and more efficient such as clips and magazines that hold a shitload of bullets so you don't have to stop and reload. I don't have a clip full of extra semen attached to my balls. 

With a gun, I can shoot people far away. I do not have that kind of range or accuracy with my penis. 

OK, I think I've gone on long enough with this. Besides, I may be weirding out some of my readers. I know I'm a bit weirded out.

But let me end with this: if you can save only one life, save it. Despite what Taya Kyle and her fellow ill informed ilk will tell you, it's always worth it.

Everyone be good to one another.

Dave-El
I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You

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This edition of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You has been brought to you by Ass Pounders Correctional Facility. Serving the Tri-County area since 1972, Ass Pounders Correctional Facility provides a wide range of rehabilitative activities for our inmates such as basketball and other things I'm sure but mostly it's just the ass pounding. So if you've been convicted of armed robbery or murder, make us your incarceration destination. That's Ass Pounders Correctional Facility. You may not want to but you will come here in the end.  

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