Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Other Things Sean Penn Found


Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You which is my blog or as they say in Mexico, El Bloggo. I'm Dave-El or as I am known in Mexico, El-Dave-O

OK, I'm referencing Mexico because last week, the notorious drug kingpin El Chapo ("The Chapstick") was captured. 

Again. 

El Chapo is a mega successful drug dealer. How is he so successful? VOLUME! 

Also MURDER! A real nasty piece of work, this guy. 

He was caught once and put in prison. He escaped using the clever maneuver of walking out a door. 

Later he was captured again where his escape required a bit more work. El Chapo escaped a second time riding a Segueway through an air cooled tunnel with track lighting, a smooth polished marble floor and a speaker system pumping in the sweet, sexy saxophone stylings of Mister Kenny G.*

*I may be making some of this up. For example, there wasn't any music from Kenny G coming through a speaker system. I mean that would be stupid, am I right? Kenny G was on the Segueway behind him. Yes, Kenny G can play a saxophone while riding a Segueway! He's just that good.  

So El Chapo was on the loose once more, prepared to sell even more drugs, kill even more people and apply lip balm to even more chapped lips. This evil man was a menace to society! Who could possibly bring him to justice? WHO? 

Batman! 

No, not Batman. He's busy looking into the Steven Avery murder case after binge watching Making a Murderer on Netflix.*

*Gratuitous current pop culture reference.

So if not Batman, who? 

Sean Penn, of course. 




Now I understand my audience of young people may not be too familiar with Sean Penn (who was born way back in 1960 so he's pretty old.)  So before I continue with my narrative, a little background on Sean Penn. 




Sean Justin Penn is an American actor, filmmaker, and political activist. He has won two Academy Awards, for his roles in the mystery drama Mystic River (2003) and the biopic Milk (2008).Penn began his acting career in television with a brief appearance in a 1974 episode of Little House on the Prairie, directed by his father Leo Penn. Following his film debut in 1981's drama Taps and a diverse range of film roles in the 1980s, including Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Penn garnered critical attention for his roles in I really can't believe you're still reading this. Really, even Sean Penn's therapist isn't this interested in Sean Penn. I could keep this up a bit longer perhaps but I've got other things to do so if you really want to know more about the man, just go Sean Penn's Wikipedia page here which is what you probably should've done in the first place and saved me all this typing which I apparently still doing for some reason please make it stop make it stop make it stop make it-











Ahem! 

Sorry about that.  

Where were we? Oh yeah....

Actor Sean Penn met and interviewed the infamous drug lord, El Chapo. It seems that El Chapo is a big fan of movies and particularly wanted to meet Sean Penn. Or maybe Penn is a big fan of El Chapo's work? I don't know, it could go either way. So Sean and El Chapo met.

Sean Penn: Hello, I'm Sean Penn!
El Chapo: OMG! It's Sean Penn! Squeeeeeeeeee!
Sean Penn: And you must be El Chapo.
El Chapo: OMG! Sean Penn knows my name! Squeeeeee!

So sometime after the interview, Mexican police swooped down to capture El Chapo.*

*Mexican police glide through the air with specially made wings created from rare macaw feathers. True fact.

The Mexican authorities credited Sean Penn's interview with helping them to find the evil drug lord. 

Mexican police: We have captured the dastardly El Chapo thanks to your valiant sacrifice of your safety, Senor Penn.
Sean Penn: Yeah. (sniff) Try not make too big a deal of that, OK?

Over the weekend, people were impressed that Sean Penn had located El Chapo who had eluded a massive manhunt by authorities for weeks. What other amazing things has Sean Penn found? 

On Twitter, suggestions were made under the hashtag,
 . So if you don't....

Yeah, I wrote all that up there just so I could get to some Reheated Tweets. Anyway, if you don't mind and even if you do, here is my Top Ten list of...

 

  1. My missing socks
  2. That damn TV remote! 
  3. Loose change between the sofa cushions 
  4. The fearless crew and passengers of the SS Minnow 
  5. That lovely Italian bistro over on the corner of 5th & Main. The manicotti is to die for!
  6. The Bengal's plan to win the Steelers game. Sean found it misfiled in a folder labeled "Meltdown Strategies" (Boy, the Bengals messed that up BAD!) 
  7. Martin O'Malley Wait! He wasn't missing or hiding, we just weren't paying attention.
  8. A lone curly fry mixed in with his regular fries 
  9. That thing over there! You know, that thing! Over there! What the hell is that thing? Really, what is that thing?
  10. Waldo 


And that wraps up my contribution to...

 and also wraps up today's blog post. I hope you come back tomorrow for another edition of I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. If you don't, I'm sure Sean Penn can find you.

Be good to one another.  

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