I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You: The Emails Strike Back

On Friday, I put up a post about drawing incorrect conclusions or incomplete information from headlines that are designed to provoke our attention but not much else. That same day, a new story was breaking and once more, a lot was made of the headlines even though the story behind those headlines was lacking in any significant detail.

The subject of Hillary Clinton's emails raised its ugly head once more. It all started with a letter sent by FBI Director James Comey to Congress advising that emails had been uncovered that may be relevant to the earlier investigation into Clinton's use of a private email server and whether classified information was passed along to unauthorized parties.

You may recall that back this summer, Comey made an announcement that after a year of investigation, the FBI found no actionable criminal activity. Yes, some people (including Clinton) did some stupid stuff when it came to email security but there was no basis for a criminal prosecution. There was no evidence either of intent to cause harm or that any harm was actually caused.

Of course, Republicans took issue with this and demanded Comey come on around for a good ol' talkin' to about this. But Comey (who we should note was a registered Republican, he's registered as independent now) held his ground. What Clinton and her pals did was stupid but not criminal.

That hasn't stopped the alt-right from still flailing away at Clinton's email mess. And none more so that the poster boy for conspiratorial indignation, Donald Trump. To Trump and the alt-right, the issue was not settled and by God, Hillary's guilty of something. You just know it! Look at her! She looks guilty! Also very tired!

So the news of Comey's letter on Friday was warm blood in the shark infested waters of the alt-right and there was Donald Trump churning things up as only he can. The FBI was righting a wrong and reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton! And they wouldn't be doing this unless they've got something really bad on Clinton! And that means Clinton is guilty, guilty, GUILTY of corruption on a scale way beyond anything in the history of everything, including Watergate*.

*Kids, I really don't have time to go into Watergate. Here, read the Wiki on it. And you'll know more about it than apparently Donald Trump does.

So what is going on with this latest development in the never ending hellscape that is the Hillary Clinton email saga?

Here's what we know.

The emails in question were discovered during an FBI investigation into a matter that did not involve Hillary Clinton but rather her aide, Huma Abedin. Well, actually, it didn't involve Huma as much as it involved her husband.

Her husband is Anthony Weiner.

<insert pause for readers to giggle>

Yes, THAT Anthony Weiner, the former New York congressperson who just can stop doing sex stuff with his phone including sexting and sending dick pics. Most recently, it seems that Weiner may have been sharing his, er, "weiner" with an under-aged girl.

That is known in legal parlance as a "no-no".

So while going through Anthony Weiner's computer, some poor schlub with the FBI was apparently having this kind of a day:

Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Hillary Clinton email.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick-
Wait a minute! What the fuck?
Hillary Clinton email?

Now what else do we know? As it turns out, not a damn thing.

What is the nature of the email?
Is it from Hillary?
Is it TO Hillary?
How far down the chain in either direction is Hillary involved?
Is Hillary actually involved in anyway with this email?
Is she just name checked for some reason?
Is this a new email?
Is this an email the FBI has already seen?

We don't know any of these things. But a lack of knowledge hasn't stopped the press before and sure as hell doesn't stop Donald Trump and the Republican party. Everybody on the right were all, "Ding dong! The witch is dead! The witch is dead! Ding dong, the wicked witch is dead!"

The funny thing is that FBI Director James Comey's rationale for sending the letter was to stay above board. After all, he had to face questions of colluding to keep Hillary Clinton out of jail so I can imagine his reaction when that poor FBI shlub ran in to Comey's office and said, "Hey, look what I found on Anthony Weiner's computer!" So the director took a look at what he was given.

Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Dick pic.
Hillary Clinton email.
D-
Wait! What?
Hillary Clinton email?
...
...
SHIT!

Comey didn't know if they had anything or nothing but it was something and if he sat on it while the FBI tried to figure out if it was anything or nothing but it was something that got leaked to the press or to Congress, well, he would be in all sorts of trouble with Republicans who already thought Comey had assumed a bent and pucker ass kissing position towards Clinton's posterior.

On the other hand, there are guidelines and protocols in place to keep federal agencies from unduly influencing an election. Comey's letter to Congress is a repudiation of that standard and Trump's tenacious grasp at the unsubstantiated implications of Comey's letter is a testament as to why that standard is a good idea.

When even Jeanine Pirro is coming to Hillary Clinton's defense over the handling of James Comey's announcement, you know there's something wrong. And you pray tell is Jeanine Pirro? A Fox News contributor and Donald Trump supporter. Yes, a person on Fox News who supports Trump thinks Comey royally screwed up.

As with a lot of things involving the Clintons, the odds are this latest development is just more smoke but no actual fire. But this plays right into that "Hillary can't be trusted" narrative that even people who are prepared to vote for her can't seem to shake.

But here's the thing, guys and gals, this election is not a choice between two qualified people with some small

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?

Yes, today is Halloween but now is not the time for David S. Pumpkins! I'm trying to have a serious discussion about politics and the fate of the United States!

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.

This election is not a choice between two qualified people with some small differences in strengths and weaknesses. No, this is a choice between a qualified person that we have some trust issues with and a completely unqualified person that we can't trust at all. And the time to make that final decision is drawing short, less than a week from today's post. We need to make a cold, hard choice for who is going to lead this nation for the next 4 to 8 years and we can't let that choice be influenced by innuendo or vague allegations. That choice belongs to the people and not to any outside influence from James Comey and the FBI.

Before I wrap up today's post and because I can't let have Anthony Weiner have all the fun, I now present...

DICK PICKS!