Monday, October 17, 2016

Today's The Day Since The Space Of The Blog (?)

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, the official blog of Candy Corn. I'm Dave-El and I'm feeling a bit je ne se quoi.

So I'm without my trusty computer that I call "Computer" here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. It's currently in the hands of deathly pale beings who lurk in dimly lit caverns.

In other words, computer guys.

Computer guys are like car guys in that they can be so freakin' incredulous that I do not share the depths of their knowledge. They look at me and wonder if I even know how to feed myself. I try to offer some insight as to the problem at hand such as "I think a crossbeam has gone out askew on the tredle." Car guys have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. Computer guys will laugh cause they know I'm riffing on Monty Python.

So I'm composing this post on my phone which is further eroding the diminishing respect my daughter has for me as she watches me hunt and peck my phone's keyboard like a sheriff's deputy fitfully typing an arrest form on an ancient typewriter in a 1950s sci-fi horror movie. "The... alien... slug monster... was... last... seen... by... the... old... McPherson... farm."

Typing this on my phone does present some unusual occurrences. There's this helpful thing that pops up anticipating whatever word I'm typing or even about to type. For example, when I just typed the word "for", my phone suggested the next word would be "example". Which is very helpful. Mostly. Sometimes it's just plain weird.

Let's do a little experiment. I'm going to start the next sentence with the word "party" and then continue the sentence with what the phone suggests comes next.

Party at my house for the heads of state from my personal experience with her until she gets settled in the next weekend.

Wow! My phone knows me so well! Let's try that again with the word "lunch".

Lunch with the blog thing is a weapon of the day since we can pick you up from school around the house now.

My phone is looking into my very soul. This is too creepy.

OK, one more time with the word "shoes".

Shoes are the plans for tomorrow at the attendance of the week I'll call when you have a chance at the house in the next couple of my new favorite part.

Well, that was... a thing I wrote.

OK, I think I've done enough damage around here today. I'll be back tomorrow with a new post. Until then... as my phone would say.,.

Remember that I have the certified birth control pills.

Maybe I should handle this.

Remember to be good to one another.

Doctor Who: The Dalek Planet - Episode Four

DISCLAIMER:  I'm doing this for fun, not profit. This is not officially sanctioned by the BBC and the producers of Doctor Who.   In c...