Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Reheated Tweets

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, where presidential candidate Ben Carson would come for ideas if he knew how the internet worked. I'm Dave-El and just wanna look good for you, good for you, good for you, uh huh. 

Oh, fuck! I have Selena Gomez stuck in my head! God, I hate the bejeezus out of that song! 

Wait! Hold on! I really didn't mean that. Let me fix that. 

God, I hate the bejeezus out of that "song"! 

There! That's better.  

As is my want to do on occasion (such as when I'm stuck for ideas), I collect some of my Tweets from my Twitter thing (which can be found here: ). They go from not being read over there to not being read over here. But at least they're not being read in one handy-dandy convenient location. 

I live to serve. 

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So here's a hashtag that was trending a few weeks ago: 

So I had a few thoughts on the topic. I decided that a really awkward moment for a demonic possession to occur would be during a romantic scene in a movie because, hey, demons, you know? I mean really, what you gonna do?  

Hey, see if you can tell which movies these demons are invading at very awkward moments.  

"You'll regret it. Maybe not now but soon and for the rest of YOUR LIFE BELONGS TO ME! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

"Shut up! Just shut up! You had me at hello. You had me at HELL AWAITS YOU!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of boy, asking him to LET ME CONSUME HIS SOUL! HA! HA! HA! HA!" 

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According to Twitter, October 13th was . I can't believe I only came up with one Tweet. 

I find this whole isn't very uplifting.

I can be such a boob sometime.  

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Next up: When someone includes Electric Boogaloo in a Tweet, I have no choice but to respond. Here's a Tweet from follower David Bell. 

Electric Boogaloo day And Electric Boogaloo day (observed)

 
So I offered this informational tidbit: 

Oct 12
Little known fact: in the 19th century, Boogaloo was steam powered.

Listen up, kids. You wouldn't believe the shit they leave out of your history text books. Thanks to me and the Internet, you know about Boogaloo was a thing back in the 1800's. In the previous century, Boogaloo was pulled by oxen. 

Different times, man!

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Here are a couple of exchanges with my favorite Twitter person. 

Trying to figure out which Jungian archetype I am. Seems like I should know this.
Oct 12
Don't get all Jung up on trying to figure it out.

One of those rare hot days in SF where you can sit around in your underwear. Related: sitting around in my underwear
I too am sitting around in my underwear. Now the bartender has asked me to leave.

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Here are some suggestions in response to the hashtag 
  1. McMucus
  2. Planet Hoboken
  3. Little Tweezers
  4. Hard Iraq Café
  5. Olive Dumpster
  6. WTFIW (What the Fuck, It's Wednesday)
  7. Hucklebee's
Hucklebee's: When you're here, you're family* and we're not going to respect your life choices.

*Yes, that was a tag line for Olive Garden and not Applebee's. I know, I know. But it worked so well with Huckabee's. 

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Here are some Tweets of a more political nature. These were posted after Hillary Clinton came to the end of 11 hours of testimony in front of the 
  1. Benghazi: dessert topping or toilet cleaner? The isn't quite sure. Ted Gowdy suggest, "Hey, let's lick it again!"
  2. "A giant mutated Hillary Clinton is attacking Washington? This is our moment, lads! AWAY!"
  3. Does Hamburger Helper really help make hamburger make a great meal? The demands answers!
  4. Does the light really go out when the fridge door closes? The has got to know! Leave no refrigerator unchecked!
  5. The seek their own asses with one hand, engage 2nd hand when 1st hand unsuccessful but their asses elude them.
  6. The wants to know: who, in fact, moved my cheese? They'll interrogate Mickey Mouse for 11 hours to find out!
  7. Next up, the goes searching for Bigfoot! And they'll find him! Well, they'll say they found him.
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I think to bring in this edition of Reheated Tweets in for a landing, let's take a look at this Tweet from August 1st of this year.  
    Aug 1
      The film 'Howard The Duck' starring premiered in theaters 29 years ago today, August 1, 1986
        Embedded image permalink

        Howard the Duck laid an egg (oh, sometimes I kill me!) when it was released in theaters. I actually saw it in a theater which is where I first fell in love with Lea Thompson. OK, "fell in love" is a bit of a strong description. But not by much.  

        Lea Thompson was on Dancing With the Stars some time ago where she was cheated...CHEATED, I tells ya!...out of winning the mirrorball trophy. Well, she had a good time and looked good doing it. Below is a photo of her posing outside the studio. And get a load of the jacket. A Howard the Duck jacket! Wow!

        Which prompted this Tweet.  

        Lea seems to be OK with it! And I'm still OK with Lea!

        Embedded image permalink
        Actress Lea Thompson will be joining tmrw at 2pmET would you like to ask a question live via webcam?

        Would I like to ask a question? I mean, actually get to speak with my major celebrity crush from when I was a far younger Dave-El? Would I? 

        Well, no. I was going to be at work during the live webcam interview. Also don't have a webcam. Yes, I am a Neanderthal. 

        So I offered my "thanks but no thanks" to Ms. Miller with the following:  

        I won't be available which is probably for the best since I would ask something stupid like "Will you marry me?"
        Ah, that's life. 

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        Until next time, try to be good to one another, OK? And don't forget to water your Boogaloo!  

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