Today I bring back for a special appearance the return of what used to be a weekly feature here on the ol' blog thing back in 2013 and 2014. It was my attempt at news satire that, much like Donald Trump, nobody wanted it and nobody asked for it. So naturally here it is again, the return of...
bROkEN nEWs is brought to you by....
MAMA'S OLD FASHIONED MARIJUANA
And you know superdelegates never clean up after themselves. Oh these superdelegates fly in with their super powers and wreck everything and someone else has to straighten up the mess! Superdelegates! They're a MENACE, I tells ya!
Bernie Sanders does not know the meaning of the word "quit". Seriously, he has an off brand dictionary he picked up real cheap from a used bookstore. Only goes to the letter "N". The last word Bernie knows is "nogoodnik".
Man, we got things and shit to do and wait, is this in Cleveland? Fuck this! Cleveland? What were we thinking?
CURT CUT! ESPN Fires Schilling Over Anti-Transgender Outburst
And you're listening to bROkEN nEWs Radio and we have a long distance dedication to Curt Schilling. Bummer about losing your job, bro! So here's a little song to make you feel better. Shania Twain and "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"
Suspicious New York Voting Issues Prompt Probe
New York responds, "Hey! Nothin' to see here! Fuggedaboutit! Capice? Youse know what I'm sayin'?"
Sorry, guys, but things ain't looking too good. It's gotten to the point that Kelly Ripa won't appear on screen with the Saudi Prince.
And you thought the thing on the Canadian flag was a maple leaf. I'm wondering, Canadians are so mellow and exceedingly polite, how will be able to tell when they're stoned on weed?
Monica Lewinsky: Public shame ‘sticks to you like tar’
That's not the sticky substance that comes to mind when we think of you, Monica.
It's holds things together AND it's a great source of fiber AND it's gluten-free AND it's a great gift idea for Mother's Day!
Get some today!
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Go on! Don't be shy!
And that, as the saying goes, is that. Remember to be good to one another and I'll be back with another post tomorrow.