Thursday, April 7, 2016

Ted Cruz Is a Lying Fuck Bastard - Special Edition

Hi there! I'm Dave-El and this is my blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, your last defense against the raging Visigoth hordes. 


Today is Thursday which is when I post my weekly diatribe against the malicious mutterings of that man shaped mound of mayonnaise running for President, a little something I call...


 OK, so I missed last Thursday, instead giving this space over to my darling daughter to recount some of her visit to New York City. Then there was that awful post from Friday where it appeared that I was actually endorsing Ted Cruz. God, don't you just love April Fool's Day? Well, maybe not but....
So we're back to business with our usual diatribe against the Senator from Texas with the slimy mucous covering.

Except...
As I noted two weeks ago, I have been feeling the burden of keeping this feature going week after week. I really wish I could stop but Ted Cruz won't stop running for President and, more to the point, won't stop lying.  

Here's an untrue utterance recently reviewed by Politifact for accuracy.  







 Ted just can't stop being a lying fuck bastard. And I guess, ultimately, I can't stop calling him out on it.  

And it looks like I might be in for the long haul as Terrible Ted continues to narrow the gap between him and Donald Trump in the all important delegate count. O shit, I've gotta keep up with this Lying Fuck Bastard all the way to Cleveland?

I need to be sure I'm well rested for the arduous journey ahead. With that I'm mind, I'm taking another break but for all of you who love to hate Ted, I'm pulling stuff from the archives of I'm So Great My Suffering Amuses You, specifically some picture posts from my late but not quite lamented weekly news satire feature, Broken News. As you can see, Ted Cruz has been a jackass since before running for President. (If you're interested in perusing the history of Broken News, click on the links below.)   

From this edition of Broken News from September 2013.  






























































































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From this edition of Broken News in November 2014. 





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From this edition of Broken News in September 2014. 

One of the recurring features on bROkEN nEWs is posting photos of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) and making fun of whatever facial expression he's making. Typically a Ted Cruz photo shows the Senator with an expression of dumb fuck stupidity or whiny petulance. Well, check this out...

"What?"

 














I was going to go with "stupidbut his expression looks like he's been told the cafeteria is out of his favorite pudding and he might cry about it. So I'm going to go with "stupidly petulant". 

"Seriously, we're out of pudding?"

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From this edition of Broken News from July 2014.  





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And here are some pics from this best of Broken News edition from July 2014.  


















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From this edition of Broken News from March 2014.  



Really, take a look at that face. Do you really want that face looking out from your TV with a Presidential seal behind him as he tells you everyone in the White House is a big meany and won't tell him where the pudding cups are? 


No, I didn't think so. 


But the face, that whiny, punchable face is just superficial. In the end, it's the constant string of half-truths and outright lies that causes us to declare....


TED CRUZ IS A LYING FUCK BASTARD!


And we'll be back (sigh!) with the chronicling of those lies next Thursday with (I can't believe this has come this far) Part 11.  


Until next time, remember to be good to one another. 
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By the way, here are some links to articles on The Onion about our despicable LFB. 


Some Sunday Stuff

Hello. As I write this, it's 5:40 in the frickin' morning here at the Fortress of Ineptitude. Weekday mornings, it's all I can d...