Saturday, April 30, 2016

Hey, Kids! It's a Post With SEX Stuff!

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog that just wants to cuddle lost in an internet of wild carnal perversions. I'm Dave-El and I'm wise enough to know what a woman wants but old enough to realize its just too much more trouble than it's worth. 

So today is one of those days where I raid my account on Twitter (which can be found here: ) for any Tweets that I can shape into something resembling a blog post. 

If I see a hashtag trending, I try to jump on to come up with a half dozen or so Tweets on the subject du jour. For example, a few weeks ago, this hashtag was trending on Twitter: 


But for that one, I could only come up with one solitary Tweet and here it is. 

"Toys That Spin Are Fun"

Get it? TOP story? Toy that spins? Spins? Like a TOP? 

Yeah? 

No? 

Geez! 

Anyway, another hashtag was trending where I was able to make about 10 contributions. 

Of course I was. It was about sex.  

Of course, I had to wait about 15 minutes between Tweets. 

HEY-OH!!!

I was a bit reluctant to use that material here. I am aware that I have an audience of young people who are impressionable and as a universally acknowledged grown up person of considerable wisdom, I have a trust, a sacred responsibility to guide these young people with care and discretion. 

So taking my responsibility towards my young readers seriously, I am endeavoring to use this forum to have a frank and enlightening dialogue on the very important subject of sex education. 

So...sex. 

Yep, sex. 

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sexity sex sex. Sex. 

OK, I should start teaching stuff! 

So here we go. Using a trending hashtag on Twitter as our launching pad, here are some perfectly relevant and helpful sex education facts on the subject of...


  1. "GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!"
  2. "Do over! DO OVER!!" 
  3. "I approve this message!" 
  4. "Great Krypton!" 
  5. I can't BELIEVE this is NOT BUTTER!"
  6. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SUCH A MODERATELY PLEASING SENSATION!!!" 
  7. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" 
  8. "Oh, that's a wicked googily!"
  9. "Hands in the air! HANDS IN THE AIR! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" 
  10. "Wonder Twin Powers....ACTIVATE!" 

Well, kids, I hope you've learned a lot that will help you make smart decisions when it comes to sex. If you can't trust a weird old dude with a strange blog about random stuff pulling sex tips from Twitter, who can you trust? 

I think I've done enough damage around here today. I'll be back tomorrow with a new post, the debut of a new Doctor Who fan fiction. 

Until next time, remember to be good to one another. And I mean that in a good, kind and supportive way, not in any sex way, OK? That's just weird! 

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