Hey, Kids! It's a Post With SEX Stuff!

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog that just wants to cuddle lost in an internet of wild carnal perversions. I'm Dave-El and I'm wise enough to know what a woman wants but old enough to realize its just too much more trouble than it's worth. 

So today is one of those days where I raid my account on Twitter (which can be found here: Dave-El ‏@dave_el1938) for any Tweets that I can shape into something resembling a blog post. 

If I see a hashtag trending, I try to jump on to come up with a half dozen or so Tweets on the subject du jour. For example, a few weeks ago, this hashtag was trending on Twitter: 

#TodaysTopStory 

But for that one, I could only come up with one solitary Tweet and here it is. 

"Toys That Spin Are Fun"

Get it? TOP story? Toy that spins? Spins? Like a TOP? 

Yeah? 

No? 

Geez! 

Anyway, another hashtag was trending where I was able to make about 10 contributions. 

Of course I was. It was about sex.  

Of course, I had to wait about 15 minutes between Tweets. 

HEY-OH!!!

I was a bit reluctant to use that material here. I am aware that I have an audience of young people who are impressionable and as a universally acknowledged grown up person of considerable wisdom, I have a trust, a sacred responsibility to guide these young people with care and discretion. 

So taking my responsibility towards my young readers seriously, I am endeavoring to use this forum to have a frank and enlightening dialogue on the very important subject of sex education. 

So...sex. 

Yep, sex. 

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sexity sex sex. Sex. 

OK, I should start teaching stuff! 

So here we go. Using a trending hashtag on Twitter as our launching pad, here are some perfectly relevant and helpful sex education facts on the subject of...

#ThingsToYellDuringIntercourse

1. "GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!"
2. "Do over! DO OVER!!" 
3. "I approve this message!" 
4. "Great Krypton!" 
5. I can't BELIEVE this is NOT BUTTER!"
6. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SUCH A MODERATELY PLEASING SENSATION!!!" 
7. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" 
8. "Oh, that's a wicked googily!"
9. "Hands in the air! HANDS IN THE AIR! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" 
10. "Wonder Twin Powers....ACTIVATE!" 

Well, kids, I hope you've learned a lot that will help you make smart decisions when it comes to sex. If you can't trust a weird old dude with a strange blog about random stuff pulling sex tips from Twitter, who can you trust? 

I think I've done enough damage around here today. I'll be back tomorrow with a new post, the debut of a new Doctor Who fan fiction. 

Until next time, remember to be good to one another. And I mean that in a good, kind and supportive way, not in any sex way, OK? That's just weird!