Thursday, May 9, 2013

Why I Can't Sleep At Night


And now, I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You presents…

Top Ten Reasons Why I Can’t Sleep At Night

 #10: The monsters under the bed are installing a Jacuzzi.

#9:    If a gun under my pillow makes me feel safe so I can sleep, you'd think a rocket launcher would be even better but no!

#8:    It's hard to sleep knowing there could be breaking news about Jenna "Dharma" Elfman at any moment.

#7:   Isn't my grandfather clock supposed to have ringing chimes on the hour instead of an air horn?

#6:   Questions keep me awake: Who am I? What is the meaning of life? Would I like a nice Hawaiian punch?

#5:   My wife is snoring just like a grizzly bear. Well, that's what I get for marrying a grizzly bear.

#4:   I think my bedroom ceiling fan might be keeping me awake because it has a howler monkey hanging from it.

#3:   My ambient sound machine produces the sound of a gentle rain, a light breeze and the Chicken Dance.

#2:    My recent purchase of bed sheets made from recycled industrial sandpaper may have been a mistake.

And the #1 reason why I can’t sleep at night:  My before bedtime snack is jalapeños and Mt. Dew.
Thank you!

More to come...tomorrow!

Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death

During the dark times (the 1990's) when Doctor Who was lost on the seas of cancellation with only the 1996 TV movie to keep us afloat, t...