Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Is Blurmph Right For YOU? Yes, It Is!

What do you need?

Sometimes, that question is not as easy as one might expect.  There are many different products and solutions for many different situations. But what if we could rely on one product, one solution for ALL our needs?

What if you lived in a world that has...

Well, congratulations! Now thanks the marvels of modern science, American initiative, Indonesian labor and dark sorcery*, the amazing wonder that is is now available to you.

*The use of "dark sorcery" is not condoned as an official practice of Blurmph Inc. and it's subsidiaries.

But while the answer is that yes, amazing is now available to you, you should take a moment to determine if is right for you.

The answer is "Yes, of course it is!" Well, hold on there, you anxious future Blurmph consumer. Before you rush in to jump full force into The Blurmph Experience, you must prepare yourself.^

^And sign all documents that release Blurmph Inc and its major subsidiaries from any form of legal action you might take. Don't worry, it's just a formality. Lawyers! What're you gonna do?)

In preparation for the wonders of Blurmph, please review and answer the following questions:

  • Are you tired, listless?
  • Do you have yellow waxy build up?
  • Are you getting less than satisfactory mileage from your car?
  • Huh?
  • Do you have erectile dysfunction?+
 +It's cool if you do, dude. No big deal.++
++Me? Oh hell no!
  • Hey, what's that smell?
  • Do you have ring around the collar?
  • What? 
  • How do you transform an ostrich into a tasty casserole?
  • What if no one loves you?+++
+++Not even an ostrich?
  • What if you need something sliced AND diced?++++
++++Such as an ostrich?
  • What is the destiny of your immortal soul?
  • What's for lunch?+++++
+++++Hope it's not ostrich sandwiches again!
  • Are your shoes untied?
  • Are my shoes untied?

If you answered:
  • "Yes."
  • "I don't know."
  • "No."
  • "Scuba gear."
  • "But I don't like ostrich casserole!"
  • "What the hell..?"

...to any of these questions, then you need !

is made from all-natural synthetics.**

**While radiation and various harmful*** chemicals are used in the development of Blurmph, any latent radioactivity or chemical residue is below government standards.

***The word "harmful" is a subjective term and should NOT be construed as any kind of admission by Blurmph Inc and it's subsidiaries.

comes in different sizes to meet your needs such as:
  • Single serving
  • Extra super duper large
  • Magenta
  • Pants

can be used anywhere:
  • At home
  • At work
  • At play
  • Inside the digestive tract of a Burmese python
  • In an alternate dimension where the letter "H" is non-existent
  • On planes, trains and automobiles****
****With or without Steve Martin.*****
*****Although I think we can all agree it would be better WITH Steve Martin******
******Especially if he brought tasty snacks AND his banjo.
  • Also on hovercraft
  • At war against Visigoths
  • While practicing the luge
  • Riding in a luge with Visigoths

is always there to meet all of your needs.

Get today!
  • is industrial strength!
  • is mango scented!
  •  resonates with the power of love!
  • Your doctor says  is right for you so don't bother him, OK? Trust us!

So remember:
"Whatever you need, chances are you need !"
Blurmph is a proud sponsor of Dave-El On Twitter. Follow Dave-El at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo and don't forget to bring some extra Blurmph!

Counting Down To Infinity