Friday, May 10, 2013

The Huff Post Hop for Friday, May 10, 2013

It's Dave-El!! Welcome to my blog, I’m So Glad My Suffering Amuses You! It’s time for #HuffPostHop, a pale imitation of the Daily Show but hell, you get what you pay for. Featuring laugh out loud commentary on headlines from @HuffingtonPost which was later lost so we hastily thought up this shit instead.

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Headlines from Huffington Post commencing…….now!

#HuffPostHop “GOP Rep Giving Away Free Assault Weapon” All contestants must be registered Republicans and…let’s see here (looking through papers)…nothing on arrest records or mental health….that’s pretty much it, just be a registered Republican & for a chance to win a free automatic weapon. Good luck, you kill crazy people you!

#HuffPostHop “Benghazi Hearing Reveals Incompetence, But No Cover-Up” The GOP was NOT happy about that. “Incompetence? Damn, that’s our thing!”

#HuffPostHop “Red State Dems Show No Sign Of Budging On Background Checks” Crazy and/or criminal gun owners are 70% of the voters back home. You don’t want them to “vote” you out of office; that could kill a political career…and you.

#HuffPostHop “Shocking Paper On Hispanic IQ Has Think Tank On Defensive” Really, no offense was intended by this. Why some of their best friend’s gardeners & housekeepers are Hispanic.

#HuffPostHop “House GOP Passes Bill Loosening Overtime Laws” “All you poor, racist, under-educated people who voted for us? You’re welcome.” Your GOP: Working Hard For…Well, Somebody, We Think!

#HuffPostHop “Ugandan Priest Suspended For Denouncing Sex Abuse?” Well, that’s a real dick move!

#HuffPostHop “Cicadas To Emerge In Massive Swarms After 17 Years Underground” They can’t wait to catch up on the latest Spice Girl news! Me, this is the perfect time to practice my grandmother’s recipe for Cicada Casserole Surprise! (The surprise is the cicadas aren’t quite dead yet.)

#HuffPostHop “The Outrageous 'Honey Boo Boo' Wedding Menu” I anticipate there will be frequent use of gravy and many various Crisco-centric dishes.
#HuffPostHop “Man Swallowed By Angry Hippo Barely Escapes With His Life” Good thing the hippo wasn’t hungry,hungry. Still, that man shouldn’t have been hanging around that hippo while dressed as a giant marble.

#HuffPostHop “105-Year-Old Woman Says Bacon Is Key To Longevity” Is there anything bacon CAN’T do? (Answer: No.) Anyone who disagrees will have to fight me & my Mighty Sword of Justice...& Bacon! (Well, not really so much justice actually; I had to make room in the sword for more bacon.)

And that's this Friday's #HuffPostHop with Dave-El! Brought to you by Blurmph Inc, makers of Bacon Flavored Blurmph & Blurmph Wipes!

Dave-El can be found on Twitter at

For the real stories behind the headlines, go to The Huffington Post at

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