Friday, May 31, 2013

No, I Don't Think So #3

Editor's Note: For previous entries for No, I Don't Think So, follow these links for Part 1 No I don't think so #1 and part 2 No I don't think so #2.

Hi, there! I'm Dave-El and this my blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, a blog that is now virtually free of rickets.

Going to make this short as the hour is late and I really need some sleep. But I want to check in on something I have written up since April 11th and present a new installment of No, I Don't Think So.

As before, Adam West BATMAN wants to darken his image, he wants to be taken seriously not just as Caped Crusader but as a Darknight Detective!
 
Adam West BATMAN is returning to the seminal Batman work of Frank Miller's career, The Dark Knight Returns, for guidance on how to be a darker, more serious scourge of the underworld.


So how is that working out for Adam? Let's find out!
_________________________________________

This should be agony.
 
I should be a mass of aching muscle  

broken,

spent,

unable to move.
 
And, were I an older man, I surely would…
 
But I’m a man of 30,
 
of 20 again.
 
The rain on my chest is a baptism.


I’m born again.
___________________________________

Yeah, I thought so. 

Adam, when are you going to learn to just be yourself? Embrace who you are! Hey, you've got that highly anticipated Batman 66 coming up, an entire comic book series dedicated to YOUR Batman! I mean, what has Frank Mille done lately? Be who you are, who you truly are. Because this...

This....

No, Adam West Batman.

No, I don't think so.




Wednesday, May 29, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor#7

Hello, everyone!
 
Dave-El bidding your warm welcome to my humble blog, a blog I call I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.
 
I am grateful for this forum. It gives me a chance to express my deepest, most personal thoughts, like this one:
 
"I like pie."
 
See? There's something you now know about me. It's a small step towards making a connection with someone out there in the big, wide world. But of course, if this connection is going to grow and develop further, I need to expose some more of my inner self to you. And I didn't start this blog to be shy so let me lay some more of my thoughts on you:
 
"I like milk with my pie."
 
WHOA!! Rein it in, big guy. Controversial statements like that could cause a whole bunch of trouble I don't need or want.  Milk with pie?!?! That's crazy talk!
 
You know what else is crazy? The deals you can make down at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium.*
 
*That little squeaking sound was the last tattered remnant of my soul, withering and dying.
 
Yep, delivering the high minded and sophisticated discourse this blog never always fails to deliver takes financial support.
 
So please take a moment to peruse the latest text ad from our sponsor, Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium.*

*God knows why but here's a link to a Previous commercial from Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium
 _______________________________________
 
Hi there, folks! This here's Dwayne DeFontaine at the Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium! And I'm telling you, there's no better time to buy a van. Does your van need to be plain? White? Unmarked? Then we're going to make you a deal here at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium!!!


 
Are you a hard-drinking, woman chasing bad ass who believes in keeping it real while you spend your days as a drywall installation contractor even though you can't spell "contractor". Or "installation".  Or "drywall."
 
Buddy, your life's in the toilet and you're too drunk and/or stupid to realize that and you also don't know that the drywall you're carrying around contains weaponized asbestos from the 1970's that's slowly turning your lungs into cardboard. But until you finally wake up and realize how much you have wasted your life, you're gonna need a van!
 
At Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, we're committed to giving you the best deal we can on the non-descript van of your choice.
 
Are you a devious, shifty eyed punk looking to engage in illegal activities such as breaking and entering and theft? Do you need a mobile base of operations from which you carry out your criminal acts, getting past locks and subverting security systems while taking the hard won gains of honest folks?
 
Son, one day you'll mess up...you WILL mess up!...and the authorities are gonna make you pay for stealing other people's stuff by stealing about 20 to 30 years of your life behind the bars of a cold, grey prison where you'll become the bitch of a con named Bubba Sue! But until that day comes, you're gonna need a van!
 
At Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, we make the best deal to suit your budget. Hell, we'll barter for chickens! That's how crazy we are to get you behind the wheel of a featureless motor vehicle!
 
Are you a social deviant whose name is on a sex offenders list and you're sneaking around a neighborhood like a furtive rat, trying to avoid the accusing stares of your neighbors while you struggle with the unclean thoughts of what you do to women and children?
 
You sick son of a bitch! One day the neighborhood watch is gonna watch you for the last time as they string you up from a tree, cut off your genitals, feed them to you as your last meal and then set you on fire! But until that day when good men stand up and deliver your much deserved punishment, you're gonna need a van!
 
At Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, we get don't mess around. You come on the lot looking for a plain, white, unmarked van, we'll find away to get you in a van and off our lot as soon as possible because, quite frankly, you make us sick! But even so, you're gonna need a van! 

And Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium has a lot of vans to choose from. So pick one, give us money (or some chickens!) and get the hell off our lot! You've got a van now; we don't want no part of your damn filthy business!
 
So this is Dwayne DeFontaine inviting you to come on down to Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium, off the service road 3 miles east of the Business I-97/Old Mill Road interchange, right across from Casa de Mamá María de Cien Enchiladas, formerly Hardee's.
 
Remember: That's Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium! We're opened until 9 PM Monday thru Saturday! We're not open Sunday because, dammit, you really need to be in church! But the rest of the week, for whatever life wasting, law breaking, Satan inspired thing you need to do, you're gonna need a van!

So come see us at Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium!
  _______________________________________


 Well, that was...a thing.

OK, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You thanks Dwayne DeFontaine and Plain White Unmarked Van Emporium for their sponsorship of this blog. And while we appreciate the offer of a free, formerly used plain white unmarked van, it's just not...our style. I hope you understand.

I'll send over some chicken.

Thanks for coming by and sticking around for our sponsor's commercial. Tomorrow, I have no idea what's happening on the blog but on Friday, more Broken News and Saturday will be a new Doctor Who related post. And the long awaited Legion of Super Heroes post is coming. Eventually.

Later!_______________________________________
 
Go check out Dave-El on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo. Dave-El tweets about living life like its your last day on Earth...and how much trouble that is.

Dave-El's Twitter is sponsored by Blurmph! When you hear a cat hacking up a hairball which reminds you its time to have your tires rotated because you're going on the road trip with your younger brother who still smells like oregano for some reason to go buy a life-sized replica of Neil Diamond made entirely from old chewing gum, think Blurmph! 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Is Blurmph Right For YOU? Yes, It Is!

What do you need?

Sometimes, that question is not as easy as one might expect.  There are many different products and solutions for many different situations. But what if we could rely on one product, one solution for ALL our needs?

What if you lived in a world that has...
!?!

Well, congratulations! Now thanks the marvels of modern science, American initiative, Indonesian labor and dark sorcery*, the amazing wonder that is is now available to you.

*The use of "dark sorcery" is not condoned as an official practice of Blurmph Inc. and it's subsidiaries.

But while the answer is that yes, amazing is now available to you, you should take a moment to determine if is right for you.

The answer is "Yes, of course it is!" Well, hold on there, you anxious future Blurmph consumer. Before you rush in to jump full force into The Blurmph Experience, you must prepare yourself.^


^And sign all documents that release Blurmph Inc and its major subsidiaries from any form of legal action you might take. Don't worry, it's just a formality. Lawyers! What're you gonna do?)


In preparation for the wonders of Blurmph, please review and answer the following questions:

  • Are you tired, listless?
  • Do you have yellow waxy build up?
  • Are you getting less than satisfactory mileage from your car?
  • Huh?
  • Do you have erectile dysfunction?+
 +It's cool if you do, dude. No big deal.++
++Me? Oh hell no!
  • Hey, what's that smell?
  • Do you have ring around the collar?
  • What? 
  • How do you transform an ostrich into a tasty casserole?
  • What if no one loves you?+++
+++Not even an ostrich?
  • What if you need something sliced AND diced?++++
++++Such as an ostrich?
  • What is the destiny of your immortal soul?
  • What's for lunch?+++++
+++++Hope it's not ostrich sandwiches again!
  • Are your shoes untied?
  • Are my shoes untied?

If you answered:
  • "Yes."
  • "I don't know."
  • "No."
  • "Scuba gear."
  • "But I don't like ostrich casserole!"
  • "What the hell..?"

...to any of these questions, then you need !

is made from all-natural synthetics.**

**While radiation and various harmful*** chemicals are used in the development of Blurmph, any latent radioactivity or chemical residue is below government standards.

***The word "harmful" is a subjective term and should NOT be construed as any kind of admission by Blurmph Inc and it's subsidiaries.

comes in different sizes to meet your needs such as:
  • Single serving
  • Extra super duper large
  • Magenta
  • Pants

can be used anywhere:
  • At home
  • At work
  • At play
  • Inside the digestive tract of a Burmese python
  • In an alternate dimension where the letter "H" is non-existent
  • On planes, trains and automobiles****
****With or without Steve Martin.*****
*****Although I think we can all agree it would be better WITH Steve Martin******
******Especially if he brought tasty snacks AND his banjo.
  • Also on hovercraft
  • At war against Visigoths
  • While practicing the luge
  • Riding in a luge with Visigoths

is always there to meet all of your needs.


Get today!
  • is industrial strength!
  • is mango scented!
  •  resonates with the power of love!
  • Your doctor says  is right for you so don't bother him, OK? Trust us!


So remember:
"Whatever you need, chances are you need !"
 
______________________________________________________________
 
Blurmph is a proud sponsor of Dave-El On Twitter. Follow Dave-El at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo and don't forget to bring some extra Blurmph!
 




Monday, May 27, 2013

White Christian Males...and You!

Back on April 29th, one of my followers posted this on Twitter:


rebkah howard@pink_funk 29 Apr
Married, Christian white males over 50 are being persecuted in these here United States today? Who knew?
 
 
Which lead me to post the following series of Tweets. (It helps if you "hear" this in the voice of a documentary narrator from the 1950's.) 

__________________________________________________

White Christian Males as they appeared in the wild in the 1950's.


"The White Christian Male once flourished in abundance across the plains & mountains of America."
From


"They could be seen in the millions, grazing where there was food & water & other unclaimed resources."



"In the wild White Christian Males were the natural predator of Blacks, Females & Gays."



"Due to liberal government regulations, it is the White Christian Males that face extinction."



"White Christian Males now graze in special preserves listening to country music & watching Fox News."



_____________________________________________

Dave-El can also be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Untold Tales of Doctor Who#2

The Doctor Meets Captain Kirk


Hello, everyone! Dave-El here and welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, now fortified with extra calcium for strong bones and teeth.

Last week was the last new episode of Doctor Who until the anniversary special so in lieu of episode reviews, I will post...well, other stuff...for example, what I have for you today, a NEW installment of Untold Tales of Doctor Who, the first one I've done in over two months (see See Untold Tales of Doctor Who#1)

Today's installment crosses over those two venerable sci-fi powerhouses, Doctor Who and Star Trek. It is a goofy little trifle inspired by a certain photo you'll see about half way through this tale. And yeah, this idea has been done before (and probably better) but I'm just having a little fun here.

So here we go with Dave-El's.....

The Doctor Meets Captain Kirk


______________________________________________


Scene opens: the TARDIS console room as the 10th Doctor makes adjustments and Rose scrolls through data on a monitor.

Doctor: So, Rose, has the TARDIS database provided any inspiration where...or when...we should go next?

Rose: It's so overwhelming, all these choices. Still, after that mess with the Ood and the Beast, I think I can narrow down our search towards a...little...rest and relaxation.

Doctor: (leans against the console with a blissful smile) Ah, rest and relaxation. (Then he makes a face) Nyah! C'mon, Rose! Find some place exciting.

Rose: How about this place? Dahlforius Six seems interesting.

Doctor: Oh! Oh! Yes, Rose, I haven't been to Dahlforius Six in...in...centuries! Lots of fun stuff to do!

Rose: "Fun stuff", Doctor?

Doctor (pulls back a bit on his excitement): I can do fun stuff if I want to.

Rose (looking back at the read out): What are Vapor Jet Falls?

Doctor: Oh, what a rush, Rose! It is the most amazing ride! (pauses a second) Well, you just have to watch out for the odd mountain.

Rose: Odd mountain?

Doctor: There's this mountain that's quite...odd. Has some kind of personality disorder.

Rose: Doctor, how can a mountain..?

Suddenly the TARDIS lurches sideways as the time rotor slows down.

Rose and the Doctor (standing wobbily before falling to the floor): Whooaaaa!

Rose (slowly picking herself up off the floor): What was that, Doctor?

Doctor (springing to his feet and lunging towards the TARDIS console): Not sure. Finding out. It's OK, everything's going to be just fine.

Rose: I'm fine, Doctor. Don't worry about (she stops when she realizes the Doctor was talking to the TARDIS as he strokes the console) ...okay.

Doctor (still talking to the TARDIS): C'mon, old girl, what's got you in such a tizzy? Oh, there's the trouble.

Rose: What is it?

Doctor: Appears we're in the wake of a passing spaceship travelling at warp speed. Oh, warp speed? How quaint. Unfortunately, the TARDIS's temporal phase harmonics were out of sync with the bisecting warp field differential resulting in a spatial temporal incursion...

Rose: Doctor, can you put all that in English, please?

The Doctor turns to Rose as if to speak, then pauses for a moment's thought.

Doctor: Ah, no. No, I can't. Sorry. Anyway, it won't take long to get the TARDIS in proper working order but we will need to land for a few minutes. I can coax a short hop out of her.

Rose: Where're we going to land?

Doctor: Oh, I was thinking about...borrowing a lift from that passing spaceship. Well, they...whoever they are...caused all this trouble. It seems only fair.

Rose: We could be heading for more trouble.

Doctor (grinning broadly): Rose, we're always heading for more trouble. Still, a few minutes rest and we'll be on our way. I'll make sure to materialize somewhere inconspicuous.

As the TARDIS dematerializes where it was floating in space, the scene shifts ahead to catch up with the spaceship.

The ship...is the Starship Enterprise, model 1701, flagship of the Federation. And our point of view passes through the top of the ship and on to the bridge. Captain Kirk is signing off on a computer pad as Scotty enters the bridge.

Scotty: Aye, Captain, that strange disruption in the warp field has gone away.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Scott. Mister Spock! Analysis!

Spock: There is very little to give, Captain. The sensors detected a faint pulse of energy that I did not recognize. Whatever it was, it has vanished completely from our sensors.

Kirk: So maybe we just a hit a pebble in the road.

Spock: A pebble in the...

Kirk: Never mind, Spock. Mr. Sulu, steady as she goes, warp factor 2.

Sulu: Yes, Captain, warp factor two.

Kirk: Uhura, send a message to...Starfleet Command that the Enterprise is.....

Spock: Captain! The sensors are reading that unknown energy again. It's a stronger reading this time. And (Spock looks up from his station) it is heading for the Enterprise!

Kirk: Mister Sulu, screen on.

Sulu: Screen on, sir.

Kirk: Spock, can we...lock in coordinates, get a visual on this energy?

Spock: Captain, I surmise that...

Uhura: Captain, what is that strange noise?

Kirk: That...noise! Coming from everywhere...and nowhere. I've...never heard anything like it.

Spock: Captain, it seems the source of the energy..

Uhura: Captain Kirk! Look!

By the ship's flight console, the bridge crew sees a shimmering of color and light, feel a wind that is not entirely made of air and the growing sound that defies their ability to describe it. The shimmering becomes a shape and the noise suddenly ends with a loud "thunk".

Spock: The source of the energy has come here.

On the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, there now stood a quaintly designed blue box.



Sulu: "Police Box"? What's that?

Kirk (turning towards Spock): Analysis?

Spock (arching an eyebrow): Your guess is, as they say on Earth, as good as mine.

And inside the blue box, the TARDIS, the Doctor runs both his hands through his unruly hair while looking at the monitor showing the Enterprise bridge crew as Rose smirks, her back to the monitor.

Rose: Somewhere...inconspicuous, you said.

Doctor: Yeah, well, you know.

Rose: So, this is the part where I say, "What now, Doctor?"

Doctor: Well, the TARDIS still needs a little more time to finish recalibrating. And since I'm not familiar with this culture and I have no idea what their weaponry is...

Rose: You're going to talk to them.

Doctor (throwing on his long coat over his suit): I'm going to talk to them. The TARDIS only needs a few minutes more but there's no telling what kind of trouble they might cause out there in that time unless someone comes out and says "Hello". Rose, stay here. (The Doctor exits.)

Rose: Yeah, like that'll happen. Let me grab my jacket and...(Rose looks at the monitor and sees the bridge crew for the first time.) They look familiar. Wait a minute! (Rose eyes go wide.) No way!

Meanwhile outside the TARDIS, the Doctor slips through the front door and is immediately greeted by Starfleet officers aiming phasers at him.

Doctor (grinning widely): Oh, hello!

Kirk: Who are...

Doctor (immediately starts roaming around the bridge): Wow! What a spaceship you've got here! Lots of lights and colors! Gleaming metal!

Kirk: Will you...

Doctor: Very sleek! Now this is a proper spaceship! Oh, some of the relics I've been on lately...

Kirk (very forcefully): WHO are you and WHAT are you doing on MY starship?
 

Doctor (stops, drops the grin): Oooh, sorry. I tend to gab a bit. I'm the Doctor.

Kirk: Doctor who?

Doctor (grinning again): Just the Doctor. (Pulls out psychic paper) You will see my credentials are in order.

Sulu: Captain, he's with the Senior Admiral's office!

Spock: No, Mr. Sulu, he is not.

Uhura: But we can see his identification...

Spock: Our visitor is holding a piece of paper with psychic attributes somehow imbedded in...

Rose (comes out of the TARDIS, excited, looks wide eyed at Spock): It IS you!

Kirk: And who...is this?

Doctor: Er, Rose. Rose Tyler. Sorry. Rose, I said to stay...

Rose (pointing at Spock): But that's Spock!

Doctor (puzzled): What? Who?

Rose: Yes, that's Spock and that's Uhura and Scotty and Sulu. And the Captain of the Startship Enterprise, James T Kirk.

Kirk: How do you know who...we are?

Doctor (equally incredulous): Yes, that's what I like to know. We just got here.

Rose (exasperated with the Doctor): They're from the TV show, Star Trek. Mickey and I used to watch it all the time when were kids.

Scotty: TV show? What pray tell are you talking about, lassie!

Sulu: Could this be a Romulan plot?

Spock: Not very likely, Mr. Sulu.

Doctor: This is NOT a television program, Rose.

Rose (rolling her eyes): Of course not, Doctor. No cameras, no studio lights. But still...

Kirk: Doctor, I want some straight answers and...I want them now.

Doctor: A most sensible suggestion, Captain...?

Rose: Kirk.

Doctor: Yes, Kirk! Well, Captain Kirk, we're just travelers and our vessel, my TARDIS, was damaged when....wait! (looks back at Rose) Did I just say Captain Kirk?

Rose: Yeah!

Doctor: Wow! Rose, you were right! They are...

Kirk: Doctor?!


Doctor: Yes, right, straight answers. Well...Captain Kirk...we're just travelers and.... (The Doctor suddenly moves forward and shakes Kirk's hand) Oh, I must say what a thrill and an honor to meet-

Suddenly the TARDIS makes a quick VWORP noise and the light on top starts to flash.

Rose: Um, Doctor?

Doctor: Oh good! The TARDIS has finished recalibrating! Sorry for barging in like this. We'll just run along and I'll have this off your carpeting...ooh, a starship with carpeting...

Rose (smiling brightly and waving): Bye. It was fantastic meeting you for real. Oh, Mr. Spock?


Spock: Yes?

Rose (gives the Vulcan salute): Live long and prosper!

Spock gives the salute back, with a nod. Rose smiles and winks, then goes inside the TARDIS, leaving Spock arching a bemused eyebrow.

Doctor: Yeah, what she said. Alon-zy! (And he ducks inside the TARDIS which begins to dematerialize, then vanishes.)

Kirk: What...what is...going on here, Spock?

Spock: Inconclusive. But I estimate the probability at 92% that the Doctor and Rose were in fact who they said they were: merely a pair of travelers who were temporarily sidetracked to our ship. And quite probably, they were also...


Scotty: Bonkers?

Uhura: Mad?

Sulu: Off their rockers?

Spock: I believe the human idiom that comes closest to fairly and accurately describing their mental state would be..koo-koo.

Kirk: Koo-koo, Mister Spock?

Spock: It is the most logical assessment I can make

Uhura: Do you wish me to send word to Starfleet Command about-

Kirk: No, I...don't think so.

Spock: Captain, I am fascinated by their assertion that the Doctor and Rose recognized us from a fictional entertainment program.

Kirk: I...would not worry about that, Spock. As you say...koo-koo. In fact, I think...it might be best if we ...don't...mention this again.

Whole bridge crew murmurs their ascent.


Spock: A pebble in the road, Captain?

Kirk: Yes, Mr. Spock. Just a pebble in the road. Full ahead, Mr. Sulu; warp factor three.

Inside the TARDIS.

Rose: Doctor, how can there really be a Captain Kirk and an Enterprise and a Mister Spock in real life when they're just fictional characters on a TV show?

Doctor: Well, quantum variations in temporal mechanics in parallel to...

Rose: Just say you don't know.

Doctor (lowers voice as if embarrassed): I don't know.

Rose: Doctor, I was wondering: is it possible that somewhere our lives are just a TV show?

Doctor: What? A TV show about a daft old man in a box travelling randomly through time and space with a young female companion while always getting into trouble? (The Doctor pauses a moment. Then...) Nyah! Who would want to watch that?

Voice over: Annnnd..cut!

Scene shifts to a man with a head set standing next to a camera surrounded by more cameras, other TV equipment and various workers.

Director: And that's a wrap on another episode of Doctor Who. David and Billie, great job as always.

Billie: Thank you!

David (Scottish accent): Always a pleasure.

Director: Heads up, though. Russell's all frantic. Julie just told him we're over-budget on the last episode so Russell's doing a last minute re-write on the next one.

David: Uh oh! This won't be pretty!

Billie: Ooh boy! Russell and re-writes..brrrr! David, we best make ourselves scarce.

David: Right! Yeah, we can't stick around. I've got this...thing...

Billie: Yeah, me too. I've got a...thing too...

David & Billie: 'Bye!

David & Billie rush off in different directions as our view moves over to a cluster of equipment where, obscured from everyone else's view, is the Doctor and Rose.




Doctor (not happy): Well, that's rubbish! That...that doesn't even look like me!

Rose (also not happy): My butt is not that big.



Doctor: Well, you know what they say, Rose?

Rose: What's that, Doctor?

Doctor: That's show biz!

The Doctor aims his sonic screwdriver at the screen, then the screen goes black.


---fade out---





 


Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Mighty 100!

Hello, everyone! Dave-El here and welcome to my blog, a little thing of wonder I like to call...

I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You!

And today is a momentous occasion for today I make my ...

*100th post!*

*100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post*

 

 
 



So what to do? What to do?

Well, how about a bit of reflection as I, Dave-El, sit down for an exclusive interview with the creative mastermind of this blog, myself, Dave-El.

*100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post*

Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Dave-El.
No problem, Dave-El. Always love to take to time to have an intelligent chat.

I'm glad to hear that.
Granted, I'm not sure this qualifies.

Er, excuse me?
You know, "intelligent chat"..."not sure this qualifies"?

Oh, humor.
Well, supposed to be.

So, moving on. Dave-El, why are you doing this blog?
I wanted an outlet where I could use my creativity and imagination, perhaps be entertaining in the process.

I...see. And how has that worked out?
Well, I think the previous 99 posts answer that question.

So, not good, huh?
Aha! Good one.

Good one what?
You know, the joke you just made.

I made a joke?
Yeah, I said I hoped the blog was entertaining and you asked how that was working out and I said the previous...99 would...answer...uh, why don't we just move on?

Of course. Dave-El, your posts tend towards a humorous vein. Why is that?
I like writing funny stuff. I want to make other people laugh. Hell, I want to make me laugh!

And you find the things you post here on the blog to be amusing?
Why, yes, I guess so.

Hmmm. Interesting.
Hey! What's that supposed to,,,,?

You have posted some more serious pieces on your blog.
Er, yes, I have. I do have serious thoughts and opinions that I sometimes need to write down and get off my chest.

Do you find writing more serious work a challenge?
Not really. I have to say it's probably easier to come with something serious to say. There's always some tragedy or disaster or somebody doing some damned fool thing.

But most of your work on this blog tends to be, quote, humorous.
Quote?

Why humor over a more serious approach?
Because there are enough blowhards on the internet talking nonsense through their asses. And besides, I like to create something that helps alleviate the constant bad news and brightens my day, maybe brings a smile to others.

So one could expect you will keep trying to do that?
I suppose I...Wait! What? "Trying"?

The title of your blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, is an interesting choice. What led you to select that as your blog's title?
I just like that expression. I seem to make people laugh when I describe some minor life annoyance that has caused me major grief. So I respond, "I'm so glad my suffering amuses you."

But you've described very little of "your suffering" for readers to be amused by or not. Why not?
It just hasn't come 'round yet. Actually, this is not my first blog under the title I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.

Really? What happened?
I started it last year, late spring. My head was in a really bad place then. Suffice to say, it was way too heavy on the "my suffering" and very little "amuses you".

Is that blog still out there?
Oh hell no! I deleted those whiny rants. The only thing that survived from that blog was the piece I did called Why I Like Black Canary which I posted to this blog with a few edits and more graphics. Otherwise, I resolved to move on. I would still call the blog I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You but the formula would be different with less "my suffering" and more "amuses you".

Well, it is certainly clear you've done away with the suffering part at least.
Thank you. I wanted to..Wait! What did you just-?

So do you feel that you're reaching an audience with this blog?
...

Dave-El?
You keep doing that!

Doing what?
Making snide comments about me and this blog.

Dave-El, you're me. You know I have an acerbic demeanor.
Maybe so but knock it off, OK, Dave-El?

Yeah, sure. I didn't mean any offense.
Maybe so but just watch it.

Sure, sure. Now about your audience. Is I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You reaching out to people?
Absolutely! The number of people reading this blog increased by 100%.

What a fascinating number! But I have to call bullshit on that.
What the hell? That number is true!

Oh, yes, 100% is true but you forget, I am you so I know what you how. How many people were reading the blog early on?
Er, let me, add those numbers to this data, carry the 2.  And that comes out to, well, one. One reader.

And how many do you have now?
Well, there are two. Two readers. Possibly two-ish.

I have to hand it to you: that is a 100% increase in readership. Tell me, Dave. Who are these loyal readers of your blog?
Well, one is a lovely woman named Karen Miller who follows me on Twitter (where she can be found at https://twitter.com/maya_dancer). When I post on Twitter that I have a new blog update, she will respond to the Tweet (sometimes). Sometimes she just favorites and other times she has made a comment that tells me she actually read my post. So, yay, Karen!

And the other reader?
Well, uh, that would be, er, me.

You're your own reader?
Uh, yeah. I, um, go to libraries and look up this blog on their computers.

That's kind of sad AND pathetic!
Yeah, I suppose it is.

And yet somehow quite amusing.
Well, I'm so glad my suffering amuses you.

Hey!
Hey!

So what's next for Dave-El and his amazing blog, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You.
I'm already looking to the 200th blog post where we can celebrate another net gain of 100% in new blog readers.

200? Wow, so the actual number of readers would be...?
Four, Dave-El. The answer is four.

Once more, thanks for talking to me, Dave-el.
No prob! The pleasure was all mine.

I'm sure it was.
You're doing it again!

*100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post*

Ha! Ha! Oh, those two. What am I going to do with them?

Seriously, what am I going to do with them? Their getting on my nerves!

Soooooooooo...

What else can I do for a 100th post celebration? Let's look at the 100th thing of other things!

(C'mon, kids! It'll be fun!)


USCapitol.jpg*The 100th United States Congress was a meeting of the legislative branch of the United States federal government, composed of the United States Senate and the United States House of Representatives. It met in Washington, D.C. from January 3, 1987, to January 3, 1989, during the last two years of Ronald Reagan's presidency. Legislation from this Congress should be ready to come out of committee, oh, any day now, I reckon.

*The 100th episode of The Big Bang Theory aired on January 29, 2012


There was some damn thing or another with Penny and Leonard but the main thing is that for the 100th time, Leonard and the guys failed to kill Sheldon. (Really, guys! Sheldon is going to open a black hole right there in the apartment and the world dies screaming! That's NOT worth the hilarious hi-jinks derived from Sheldon's pathological lack of social skills!)


*We have no way of know exactly how many haircuts were given to the members of Haircut One Hundred but I bet it was more than 100. 
 
 
*I'm now going to type the letter "M" 100 times:  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 
Hey, is anybody thinking about that weird ass song from years ago, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test Dummies? ("Once there was this kid...")? If not, go listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbcqgXh5-4 and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyd0vjtiJug.
 
 
 
*The 100th issue of Iron Man.  Back in those days, Tony Stark's armor ran on coal. But it was cleaning burning coal so he had that going for him.  Meanwhile does Tony know how many hours it took Happy Hogan to carve out that giant 100? No, he's too busy  showing off and ripping girders in two. Dammit,Tony, those girders cost money!!
 
 
 
*100 bottles of beer on the wall...which looks kind of nice, but really who wants 100 bottles of beer on the wall?
 So take one down, pass it around. Now there's 99 bottles of beer on the wall! Hey, guys, there's 99 bottles of beer on the wall! Let's sing! C'mon! Guys? Hello?
 
 
 
*Well, I see what the problem is here. It looks like this giant stone 100* has been infested with, hmmm, I'd say 100 Spider-men.....
 ...friendly neighborhood Spider-Men.
*Hey, more of Happy Hogan's work?
 
 
 
*100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post*


 

 OK, let's wrap this party up! Thanks for dropping by for the 100th Post on I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You. If you continue to visit my blog in search of high quality entertainment, cutting edge humor and in depth intellectual discourse, I promise this:   
 
I will always disappoint you.    
 
 
Thank you and I am so glad my suffering amuses you.    

 
 

*100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post**100th Post* 


 
    
You could also follow Dave-El on Twitter at https://twitter.com/DayWayLo but why?
    
 
And a tip of the Kryptonian headband to Mike Grell's cover for Green Lantern#100 which provided the big stone 100+ for this 100th blog post. Thanks to the Grand Comics Database.
Here is the link to GCD's record of Green Lantern#100 http://www.comics.org/issue/31835/
 
    
+ courtesy of Happy Hogan's Big Stone 100 Warehouse, Trenton NJ. 


 

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