At this point and even after nearly a month to contemplate what I might write in this post I am very unsure what to say.
I suppose I could comment on certain details of her life her sense of humor. I can speak of her sacrifices. I can also speak of her intelligence sadly she did not get the graduate from high school sadly she did not get to go to college and I say sadly because she was she had an extremely sharp mind that I think few people truly appreciated.
Before her dementia took its final grip and toll on her mind my mother and I we have frequent conversations on the phone about topics about politics what was going on in the news and this was a woman who was aware of what was going on in the world and had reasonable and well-thought-out opinions about things I think perhaps too late that I realize that my own appetite for knowledge and for information and even the humor and which it is rooted come so much from her I wish I had it knowledge that sooner of course it is the nature of any the end of any life to regard the regrets of opportunities and time lost I think though and I'm not sure why this is but most of my thoughts keep coming back to a part of her life that I was not part of and that was the beginning of it
My mom was one of five siblings that were born to a sharecropper farmer and his wife who lived in poverty in the late 1930s.
And those brothers and sisters were the ones who survived there were at least three or four other children who died either in childbirth after childbirth or miscarried it was without a doubt a hard life. It was from that life that informed a lot of what created in my mom the growth of intelligence and awareness about the world around her.
Her early life was an experience that developed her strength and her fortitude that server her out the rest of her life as a mother to me and as well as a mother to children who were not around and that is a story I need to share not now but later it's a story that I'm overdue for all that crap to have talked about on this block that is a story that I'm overdue and telling and putting down in words about how my mother was a mother is in more than just me
For all that she sacrificed and gave of herself to her adult life as a mother and wife, for all that she devoted her life to she deserved a happier ending than being lost in the dark well of dementia. She was too smart for that she was too clever for that she was too she deserves better in the last days of her life her body wracked by pain even as those who are giving her care we're trying our best to mitigate that pain and alleviate it as best they could I knew I had just one last chance at our son any things you want to say so many things you need to say and so many things you can't say because there's just not enough time not enough words enough to express everything.
The funeral itself was a nice experience those who spoke on her behalf who love her and were aware of the kind of person she was and what she had done in her life and music selections were wrapped and appropriate it was even a lovely day I think sharp contrast to the day when my father's funeral and it was cold ice water pouring from the skies are gray sky this time it was a blue sky middle of the winter but it was spring God gave us a spring day to save her farewells it's sad when things end but if things are going to end if they will end at least have a good night it was a good day it was a good ending with family and friends gathered the spirit of love.
And this is not going to be the last post about my mom. I think they're other stories I do need and want to tell those will be forthcoming but for now thank you for all that you did for me for others for their family and for others and your family thank you for everything you were loved but I love you too and you will be remembered for the rest of my life
And to anyone reading this remember as always, please be good to one another.
Thank you.
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