Wednesday, April 3, 2013

BATMAN GOES TO A RESTAURANT! the Batman. A grim avenger of the night, he dwells in the shadows of Gotham City to strike at the vicious and cowardly criminals who threaten the safety and well-being of Gotham's law abiding citizens.

Sometimes, the Batman has allies in his war against crime. But more often than not...

Batman watches over Gotham...alone.

Batman stands alone.

Batman fights alone.

And sometimes...


Batman must dine...alone.

And now, I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You presents the tale of what happens when the Caped Crusader decides he wants a pork chop from Gotham City's finest dining establishment.

"I am VENGEANCE! I am the NIGHT! I...could use a quick bite to eat."


Hostess: Hello! Welcome to the Gotham Club.
Batman: Good evening! I'm Batman.
Hostess: How may I help you?
Batman: Yes, I have a reservation.
Hostess: A reservation many?
Batman: One.
Hostess: (looks around Batman) One?
Batman: Yes, one.
Hostess: Just one.
Batman: Yep. Me.
Hostess: Right. And the reservation is under....?
Batman: Batman.
Hostess: Batman?
Batman: Batman
Hostess: Batman, Batman, Bat- Hmmmm! BARTman?
Batman: Batman!
Hostess: Batman, right. Hmmmm! Buttman?
Batman: Batman!

Penguin: Wauk! Miss, I'm (heh! heh!) "Mr. Buttman!" (snort!) That's my reservation!
Batman: Penguin?! You fiendish fowl!

Penguin: Don't ruffle your feathers, Caped Crusader. Just here for some fresh halibut. Wauk!

Hostess: Your table is this way, Mr. Buttman.

Penguin: Wauk! Wauk!

Batman: (muttering) Buttman.

Hostess: Buttman, let me see...

Batman: No, no, no! Not Buttman. Batman!

Hostess: Batman, Batman, Batman...

Batman: Is there a problem?

Hostess: I don't see a reservation for Batman.
Batman: (sigh) Look under "The".
Hostess: The.
Batman: Yes.
Hostess: The what?
Batman: Batman.
Hostess: Batman, Batman, hmmmm....
Batman: No,The...Batman. The Batman. The. Batman.
Hostess: The Batman.
Batman: Yes!
Hostess: Hmmmm..a-ha! Here it is. The Batman.
Batman: Good!
Hostess: Good. This way, I'll take you to your table, The Batman.
Batman: No, just "Batman."
Hostess: What?
Batman: (sigh) No, just....never mind.

Thank you! This has been a special presentation of......

Batman: What do you mean you gave my cape to someone else? Really?_______________________________________ 
When I'm not sharing some 'Tots with Green Arrow down at the local Sonic, I can also be found on Twitter at

Credit where credit's due: Batman illustration by Simone Bianchi



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