Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Secret Origin of Captain Yellowjacket

Earlier today, I was mowing the lawn when I was bitten by a yellowjacket. But not just an ordinary yellowjacket but a genetically altered AND radioactive yellowjacket. For its confounded bite is starting to...

Change me!

Mutate me!

Empower me!

Look upon me, mere mortals, and tremble for I have become...


I can move with INCREDIBLE SPEED!
(I'm here! No, I'm there! A-Ha! Whoa, getting dizzy. Slow it down a bit.)
I can FLY!
(Well, it's mostly a sort of hovering kind of a...thing. I'm working on it!)
I have the proportionate SUPER STRENGTH of a yellowjacket!
(I assume. I haven't really tested that yet. Just figured it goes with the territory. Not really sure how strong yellowjackets are supposed to be. I bet it's freaky strong, though.)

I can strike with a POWERFUL STING!
(Since FEMALE yellowjackets sting, my mutation leaves a LOT to be explained!)

(No, wait! That may not be the mutation, that could just be me. Besides, I don't think "super crankiness" can be a super power.)

Having read a lot of comic books (ahem!) as a child, I have decided to use my new found powers and abilities for good, not evil. I will use my strange new gifts in service to the cause of justice and the protection of the innocent as.....


So hear me world! And beware!

Wherever criminals an open trash can...

Whenever injustice a picnic table....

When chaos strikes...near a small hole in the ground.....

So whenever you hear that tell-tale humming...Wait a yellowjackets hum? Well, I'm humming! Shut up with the blasted humming! Uh oh! Super crankiness.
Ahem! Let me start over.

So whenever you see a black and gold figure descending from the sky.....well, eventually...I don't have the outfit yet. C'mon, the mutation just hit. I'm still assessing powers and abilities here! I can't find yellow tights in my size! Let's not rush this! QUIT PRESSURING ME! Sorry...super crankiness again.
Er, let's try this one more time.

So whenever......


You know, I got nothing. Being a human yellowjacket sucks! I'll let you know if I get bitten by a genetically altered, radioactive....well, something useful.
Perhaps a platypus?
When I'm not coping with the effects of radiation altered genetics, I can be found on Twitter at


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