Monday, April 8, 2013

Life...Don't Talk to Me About Life


Fair warning: I'm in a bit of a mood. I just finished my federal tax return (saving my state return for tomorrow night. I don't want to have too much fun at one time) and while I am getting a refund (that I will try really hard not spend in one place), it continues to bug me how unnecessarily difficult it is to do a tax return.

For example, I start off with a number for the Child Tax Credit. One convoluted work sheet later, I wind up with...the same number. Argh! 

Tax software makes this all easier but the fact that we need tax software in the first place is ludicrous. Now, I'm not in favor of a flat tax. I know, it sounds so perfectly democratic and equal but everybody paying the same rate only penalizes those who can least afford it and benefits those who can. Yeah, it would mean my taxes could be done on a postcard but it would not be fair to most Americans. Still, does the current system need to be so complex?

Take that Child Tax Credit. The reason you have to do the worksheet is to prove you're not too rich and don't deserve it. My thinking is, "Do you have a child? Is it yours? Really? Have a $1,000 tax credit on old Uncle Sam. Rich, poor, doesn't matter; everybody gets it." Maybe we can hit the rich with something else like a tax on gold plated bathroom faucets.

I'm sure one of the internet scanning robots who read this blog might compute that this is illogical and such a move would lead to epic ruin for all of America. Hey, what do I know? I just think we shouldn't have to jump through hoops to get the same results as when we don't. Instead we have to rely on computer programs to get us thru this mess every tax season.

This is, of course, leading us to the day when robotic beings rule the world.

Speaking of "robotic beings", I found this buried in a document file. Apparently, I was in a mood then too as it was a list of quotes made by Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and the 317 follow ups in Adam's fabulous trilogy. 

So to my audience of internet scanning robots, please activate your JES (Joy Experience Simulator) and read on:

·       "I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

·       "I'm not getting you down at all, am I?"

·       "Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed."

·       "Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does."

·       "Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing?"

·       "Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water?"

·       "Why stop now just when I'm hating it?"

·       "Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."

·       "I won't enjoy it."

·       "Well I wish you'd just tell me rather than try to engage my enthusiasm."

·       "Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent anymore of it."

·       "Life. Don't talk to me about life."

OK, that's enough for me for now. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Wait, I almost forgot: STATE taxes tomorrow. Okay, I'll hold out hope for Wednesday. Butr I doubt it.

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