Monday, December 12, 2016

And I'm Back! (Wait! I Was Gone?)

Hi there! Welcome to I'm So Glad My Suffering Amuses You, your internet source of wheat and wheat by products. I'm Dave-El and I've got a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.   

Well, that was a thing that happened. For a week, Doctor Who and Christmas took over this blog while I was... elsewhere.

And where pray tell was I? I had mentioned before that I would be busy with a special project that would keep me away from the blog. 

And that special project? Surviving Disney World. 

Yes, the El family ventured forth from the Fortress of Ineptitude and plunged southwards towards the state of Florida where Walt Disney wrestled from the hot wet swamp lands a utopia of leisure and commercialism, a veritable kingdom of magic, the happiest damn place in the entire fricking world! 

Disney World is not, dear reader, for the faint of heart. 

Spires of castles and trees of life and mountains of thunder rise up, RISE UP to meet the sky and dare you not to have fun and be happy, damn it!  And you will be happy or ELSE! 

You don't want to make the mouse... mad at you, do you? 

OK, if I'm being a bit cynical here, it's because, well, think Disney World has been trying to kill me. 

This year's trip is the 5th one I've made to Disney World. The first one was in 1994 when my wife Andrea and I got married. I had NO clue what I was getting into and neither did Andrea. And am I talking about marriage or Disney World? You know, it could go either way. But it was so big and colorful and, yes, let's be blunt here, pretty amazing. Whatever you may think of the soulless corporate structure underneath, Disney World at its best can be a magical experience and I can't believe I'm saying that. 

But that first trip was the best one. Subsequent visits in 2000, 2009 and 2011 have yielded declining enjoyment for yours truly. It didn't help that each visit, I've not only felt sick but the degree of illness has only gotten worse. In 2011, I spent nearly 5 hours in an "urgent" care while my body was buffeted by pain and fever resulting from some god awful infection. It was one of those illnesses where either getting better or dying were both equally acceptable as positive outcomes.  

It's bad enough to suffer from a painful illness but to pay thousands of dollars and travel hundreds of miles for the privilege of said suffering? Let's say I'm not a fan. 

But do my wife and daughter care? Well, there has been an incessant drum beat of "When are we going back to Disney World?" over the last few years and my protestations that Disney World may be trying to kill me fell on deaf plastic Mickey Mouse ears. And I had to begrudgingly admit it would be as good a time as any to go since my daughter's 16th birthday was coming up. 

Still, I was perfectly willing to let this cup be passed to someone else. Friends and associates would hear that my family was going to Disney World which would be greeted by the comment, "Oh, I would love to go to Disney World!" And I would answer that with, "Well, you can go in my place. It's all paid for!" But for some reason, my wife and daughter objected to this offer of sacrifice on my part to bring happiness to someone else by letting them go to Disney World and to bring happiness to myself by NOT going to Disney World. 

So off we went. And how did that go? 

As I'm writing this, one might assume that Disney did not kill me this time. But I do have tales to tell which will be the subject of subsequent posts under the heading of "Disney Daze". I'll kick those posts off starting tomorrow. 

Meanwhile, other stuff is going on in the world around me and attention must be paid as I know, dear reader, you're probably wondering, "What does Dave-El think?" 

One thing I discovered recently is that I do think and I think very well. The family had dinner at Cracker Barrel the night before we arrived at Disney. They have these small peg board games at the tables where if you leave more than two pegs, you're not that smart. Well, look what I done did! 

Yep! One peg! I'm a genius, you betcha!  

OK, that's that for this post. At 5 PM today (Monday), another post will go live as I try to untangle what's going with Trump and the Russians. Then 12 hours later at 5 AM Tuesday, the first of the Disney Daze posts goes up. 

Until next time, remember to be good to one another.

MUSICALS AWAY! Mamma Mia! AND Moulin Rouge!

It was a MUSICALS weekend at the Fortress of Ineptitude as the family gathered to watch two movie musicals this weekend. Both movies were ...